The Man In The Yellow Suit – A Wonder Witch Christmas Special

“All over the country”, said the news anchorman, gravely, speaking to camera, “Reports have been coming in of a man in a yellow Santa Suit who goes HEE-HEE-HEE instead of HO-HO-HO and who has been linked to literally hundreds of thousands of Christmas present burglaries”.

“This is outrageous”, said Santa Clause, switching off his TV by remote control and turning angrily to his Chief Elf, “Whoever this yellow suited imposter is, he’s ruining Christmas for everyone”.

But then the door of the North Pole command centre slid open and in walked Brainy, Santa’s white coated Chief science Elf.

“It’s what I always feared would happen Santa”, said Brainy, looking down at some notes on his clipboard gloomily.

“What d’you mean Brainy?”, asked Santa Clause, scratching his greying head with one of his red, fur-trimmed mittens, confused.

“Well, Santa”, replied the science Elf, “In order to deliver all the presents to all the children of the world in just one night, your sleigh has to warp the fabric of the space-time continuum. I believe that this yellow suited ‘evil’ Santa came into our universe through a hole in the continuum from a parallel universe where Santa Clause is not a kind hearted, jolly old gift-giver but a mean, nasty old thief”.

Having heard the explanation for the yellow suited gift-nappers existence, poor old Santa was none the wiser but he trusted his chief Science Elf’s expertise.

“Well what do you suggest we do Brainy?”, asked Santa, hopefully.

“There’s only one person I know who’s qualified to deal with this problem Santa”, said Brainy, “That’s why I took the liberty of contacting Wonder Witch. Apparently, she’s on her way to intercept the evil Santa as we speak”.

Marjorie had been decorating the tree at her mother’s house when the call came through. She’d seen a pointy eared and very worried looking face appear in the Christmas bauble she was holding.

She never liked working over Christmas time because it got very chilly just wearing her pink Spandex Wonder Witch costume but she would have done anything to help Santa and so, wrapping a pink scarf around her neck and putting on some pink ear-muffs under the broad brim of her pointy pink witches hat, Marjorie had mounted her magical flying broom faster than you can say Jingle Bells and taken off, Santa style, flying up and out of her mother’s chimney.

And now, as she zoomed towards the co-ordinates that Santa’s science Elf had given her which, it turned out, was the roof top of Number 10 downing street, London, home of the Ebeneezer Scrooge like prime minister David Cameron, she saw the man in the yellow suit and his yellow, reindeer driven sleigh come into view.

“Stop right there, Santa Crook”, she said, landing on the snowy roof top and folding away her broomstick, “Don’t you know you’re ruining Christmas for all the little boys and girls of the world. You ought to be ashamed of yourself”.

The counterfeit Father Christmas just laughed, his belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly under his yellow, fur trimmed costume.

“Hee-hee-hee”, he chortled, rather un-merrily, “Crappy Hiss-mas to you too, Blunder Witch”.

Then, turning to his flying reindeer, the evil Santa Clause gave out orders.

“Basher, Masher, Slasher and Randolph”, he said, pointing one of his yellow mittened hands towards Wonder Witch, “Show Wonder Witch what we do with naughty children”.

All at once, the mean looking reindeers surrounded Wonder Witch, the nose of the reindeer called Randolph lighting up bright red before firing a scarlet lazer beam that, whizzing across Wonder Witch’s left shoulder, shortened her long blonde hair by two inches.

Then, lowering their antlers, which Wonder Witch saw were made of some sharp and shiny metal, the reindeers charged towards her.

“Jumping jingle bells”, said Wonder Witch, panicking, “They look more like STORM deers than RAIN deers”.

But, just then, Wonder Witch saw something sticking out of the rooftop next to her that looked just like a pair of reindeer antlers, a TV antenna, and, a bright-idea flashing through her brain, she quickly
ripped the TV antenna off of the roof and, using it to lock horns with the charging reindeers, flipped them, one by one, off of the snow covered rooftop.

Now the evil, yellow-suited Santa Clause looked anything but jolly and, as he took off his yellow mittens, a startled Wonder Witch saw that this Clause had Claws; long, shiny, icicle-like claws.

“Hee-hee-hee”, he chortled, menacingly as he came towards her, “I’m going to have to scratch you off my list, Wonder Witch”.

But, just at that moment, something appeared, magically, inside one of the stockings of Wonder Witch’s pink, skin tight costume; a little gift wrapped present with a tag on it upon which was written, “For Wonder Witch”.

Quickly opening the present, Wonder Witch saw, to her bewilderment, a tiny sprig of mistletoe.

“Mistletoe?”, thought Wonder Witch, looking back up at the long taloned Kris Kringle that was slowly creeping nearer to her, “He’s one person I don’t want to kiss”.

But then, suddenly, seeing the mistletoe in her pink gloved hand, the evil Santa Clause let out a scream.

“Don’t come near me with that thing”, he yelped, terrified and shaking in his long black, brass buckled boots.

And then, ditching his sack and his yellow Christmas Sleigh, the evil Santa vanished into the frosty, Christmas Eve air.

“Jinkies”, exclaimed Wonder Witch, “Well at least we’ve kissed goodbye to that evil Santa”.

“Just as I thought”, said Brainy elf to Santa Clause as they suddenly materialised next to Wonder Witch, “In the evil Santa’s universe everything is the exact opposite to ours and so it stood to reason that Mistletoe, that people in our universe kiss under, would drive him away”.

But then, sticking his head out of the window to see what was wrong with his TV antenna, David Cameron yelled to his Chancellor, George Osborne in amazement, “George. Come and look at this. Quick! It’s Santa Clause. He’s on my roof”.

“Tut-tut-tut”, said Santa, looking down at the Prime Minister, disapprovingly and shaking his head, “Nothing for you this year David. You’ve been a very bad boy indeed”.