Wonder Witch 11: Wonder Witch and The Goddess of Crime

Drums pounded and horns, like bleating rams, blared discordantly as, into a stone temple, lit by flickering torches and misty with incense, came the procession of monks in hooded black velvet robes; acolytes of Kathulu, vile goddess of thieves and criminals and then, standing before the towering stone idol of Kathulu, the head of the monks, the high priest of their order bowed low, intoning, “Oh great Kathulu; queen of shadows, we praise you. Kathulu, the Plunderer; Kathulu, the Slayer and the destroyer. We, the brotherhood of Kathulu, are your humble servants and we devote our lives to villainy and crime in your name”.

Then, from either side of the high priest came monks carrying sacks filled with sparkling stolen gold and jewels that they began emptying out onto the altar.

As the ill-gotten gains of the strange brotherhood were piled up in front of it, the eyes of the ancient statue lit up with an otherworldly fire and her lips of granite began to curl into a wicked smile. Then a voice; a strange echoing voice, like the wind howling on a stormy night, spoke.

“Platinum, Gold and Silver; Diamonds and Sparkling Rubies, Emeralds, Sapphires and pearls…all that I hunger for and crave…mmm…delicious”, the statue said, licking its lips with a tongue of flame, “You have done well, my high priest in bringing me these and I shall grant you and your brethren my protection”

But then the high priests face became more solemn and his voice more imploring, “There is one who opposes us, great mother of crime”, he said, “Who has continuously thwarted our attempts to serve you and who we cannot destroy”.

The face of the statue became an infuriated grimace; the fire in its eyes suddenly turning from a bright orange to a deep red like the colour of spilled blood, “Who is this person? Who dares to defy the will of Kathulu?”, asked the statue, “Tell me their name and I shall unleash my wrath upon them”.

Hearing this, the high priest became joyful, “Her name is Wonder Witch, oh great one”, he replied.

“Wonder Witch?”, roared the statue angrily, “Then I shall destroy this Wonder Witch”.

The stone temple echoed with the voices of the acolytes as they chanted, wildly, the name of their goddess.

“Kathulu! Kathulu! Kathulu!”, they cried.

Then, their hooded faces becoming astonished and terrified, they saw the obsidian body of the goddess change, becoming first something that glowed brightly like hot embers and then pale white human flesh and then, standing on the altar in an ancient armour of gold, silver and bronze with a triple horned crown upon her head, was not a statue anymore but a living woman with long raven black hair and bright green eyes; the human incarnation of Kathulu.

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Marjorie Morrison closed the book she had just been reading with fascination, “Criminal Fraternities throughout the ages” and put it onto her desk, taking another sip of her favourite beverage,warm chamomile tea.

“What an amazing book”, she said, looking down at the picture on the dustjacket of a group of ancient brigands bowing down to a multi-armed, serpent headed god, “There have been secret criminal fraternities all around the globe for centuries; The Camorra of Sicily; the Triads of China; The Thuggees of India and even the ancient Roman cult of Laverna but strangest of them all has to be the Cult of Kathulu whose followers would give their stolen treasures as offering to a stone idol. I wonder what a stone goddess wants with gold and jewels?”.

But then the miniature magical crystal ball on the bracelet around Marjorie’s wrist started to flash on and off and, gazing into it, Marjorie saw a jumbo jet full of screaming passengers and, standing upon one of the wings of the plane, a mysterious figure who, seemingly the possessor of enormous strength, was bending the wing of the plane towards her as if it were made of paper.

“Good grief”, said Wonder Witch, “Those poor people on that plane will all be killed if I don’t do something to help them”.

Quickly transforming into the pink costume of her super-powered alter ego, the crime fighting sorceress Wonder Witch, and borrowing a broom from a nearby closet, Marjorie slid open her office window and, mounting her broom, flew out of the window and up into the open evening air whooshing through the clouds faster than a supersonic jet plane until, over the Atlantic ocean, she saw the airliner that she had seen earlier in her crystal ball, only now it was plummeting to its doom
in the deep, murky waters of the Atlantic.

With not a moment to lose, Wonder Witch reached for the golden, magical wand she always kept strapped to her utility belt and, aiming it towards the plummeting plane conjured up an enormous, open pink parachute that strapped itself tightly to the planes fuselage so that the jet that had been falling at a rate of 32 feet per second, squared now only floated gently towards the sea below.

A huge, collective sigh of relief came from all the crew and passengers of the plane followed by a loud, raucous cheer as, looking out of their windows they saw their pink suited saviour, wonder witch whizzing by upon her broom.

But just as wonder witch was putting one problem behind her another one came hurtling towards her.

“I knew you would come”, said the woman dressed in ancient looking armour, swooping down upon her and landing a heavy blow upon her right cheek that almost knocked her off of her broom, “A do-gooder like you could never resist saving those pathetic, helpless people”.

“Uffgh!”, exclaimed Wonder Witch as she narrowly dodged another blow from her armour wearing assailant but had her pointy pink hat knocked into the churning sea below, “You put all those people at risk just to see me? Couldn’t you just have written me a letter?”.

“Pah! The Goddess Kathulu does not write letters”, replied the woman haughtily, placing her hands upon her hips.

“Oh, so that’s who you are”, said Wonder Witch seizing the opportunity to deliver her own pulverising punch to the woman’s unprotected jaw.

The Goddess rubbed her chin and scowled, “Grrr! You will pay for your insolence, Wonder-Worm. I am not one of your petty crooks. I am the mighty Kathulu, Goddess of Crime”.

Then, almost effortlessly, the strange goddess plucked down one of the midnight blue coloured clouds that were drifting high overhead and Wonder Witch saw it transform, instantly, into an enormous hessian sack with the words SWAG written upon it; then, at the Goddess’s command, the bag flew towards her, throwing itself over her head and shoulders and completely engulfing her before tying itself tightly shut.

But then, much to the Goddess’s surprise, bursting out of the sack, riding upon her broom and holding aloft her golden magic wand came Wonder Witch, now with a look of steely determination on her face.

“I have my own bag of tricks, Kathulu”, she said, firing a blast of bright pink electrical energy towards the Goddess, “As you will see”.

And now, materializing all around the stunned Kathulu, a large iron cage started to appear.

But then, with a contemptuous laugh, the goddess seized hold of two of the bars of the iron cage before bending them open as easily as if they were nothing more than two sticks of black liquorice.

“Ha! Is that the best you can do, Wonder-Wimp?”, she asked, “Your powers are nothing more than mere child’s conjuring tricks against the powers of the Mighty Goddess of Crime”.

Then, to Wonder Witch’s horror and astonishment, the evil dacoit deity began to grow in size, each of her limbs stretching and expanding until, towering over wonder witch, she had transformed herself from an ordinary sized super-vilainess into a gigantic grinning colossus; her enormous head and flowing locks of ebony so large that they seemed to block out the entire moon and plunge the sky into complete darkness.

“Now”, said the Goddess, speaking in a voice like rumbling thunder, “I shall crush you wonder witch, like the insignificant insect you are”.

“Yikes!”, said a startled super-sorceress, “This is an even bigger problem than I thought. I’m going to need a wand the size of Lady Liberty to defeat her now”.

But then, suddenly, Wonder Witch’s eyes lit up as a brilliant idea flashed into her head.

“There’s only one way of defeating a goddess of crime”, she said, “And that’s with another goddess”.

And then, flipping through her handy pocket-sized encylopedia of ancient gods and goddesses in a blur of superhuman speed and dexterity, Wonder Witch exclaimed,

“Aha! This ought to do it”.

And, waving her wand in the air, the crime fighting super-enchantress intoned the words in the book, speaking in a deep and solemn voice, “Iarus, Goddess of Divine Justice”, she said, “I invoke thee”.

Suddenly, in the skies above the titantic goddess of villainy, strange blue lightning began to crack; the wind started to howl like a choir of tormented banshees and thunder, more terrifying than she had ever heard, started to roar and then the face of a woman almost as vast as the entire night sky appeared, her eyes glowing in place of the stars.

“So, my sister”, said the face of the goddess of Justice looking down at her evil counterpart, “You have ignored my warnings about tampering in the affairs of mortals. Now I have no choice but to punish you and imprison you in Athgoss, the realm of eternal darkness”.

“No!”, cried Kathulu, looking up at the face in the sky and trembling, “Not there. Anywhere but there”.

But then Iarus shut her eyes and, as she did, the giant Kathulu was swept over by an even more ginormous shadow and vanished from sight.

“Thank you, your…um… godliness”, said Wonder Witch, bowing.

The Goddess of Justice only smiled then vanished.

Her hate-filled eyes opening on the realm of eternal darkness Kathulu saw herself surrounded by the black, slimy tentacles of the Agrogothothobrogorgorous its gigantic and hideous, leviathan like caretaker.

“Don’t think you can hold me here, Sister!”, she shouted, defiantly, waving her clenched fist, “I will escape and when I do, that accursed Wonder Witch shall feel my vengeance”.