Cherrypicked stories

I buy organic carrots simmer them in olive oil mash them till they are soft watch as he takes the spoon and flicks orange sweetness onto the floor until his bowl is empty. I will do the same tomorrow

For one day only I'm on holiday, outside the Forum in Norwich I am sun drunk, watching Henman on a ten foot screen serve up shit. Peruvian pan pipes playing 'the sound of silence' switch to Phil Collins and I joke about being British

and your coat that had fallen from its peg

The biggest turn on. Intrigue and surprise.

The last game from the three way border at Igacu...

It's waterfall time as we follow this one on the radio...

Hang around outside the YMCA until a boy with a static haircut takes you by the string.

'Who the Jenkins are-' 'The Jackpot Twins,' and they bowed again, more deeply this time. 'We're dual princes of the Garbage District ' Maranaloka in its most honest form. Truth's like the sun ' regard it directly and it'll burn your eyeballs out, so it will.' 'And what are the masks in aid of?' I asked. 'Hygiene?' 'Aesthetics,' the Jackpots simpered. 'Heesh heesh. It's all, all pointless aesthetics ' of no consequence whatsoever! Disguised? Subterfuge is irrelevant as a spaniel cannon, so it is.'

In bed my eyes are oysters. I am sea sick and call bin men to witness. Queen sweats throught the wall wearing a white vest. Downstairs the tap is complaining about numbers, the gas bill has munchhousans.