Talking Pond
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By littleditty
Sun, 01 Mar 2009
- 7963 reads
31 comments
People come
with such a thirst
to drink, bathe, and ask
will they be richer,
will they be wise,
in this mythical place
by the sea,
where silver statuettes
fountain fresh ripples
on a talking pond;
they clap and it bubbles,
they speak and it replies,
answers are inked,
inkled selectively
while Ganesha winks
from behind a garland of orange,
one burp of air
for a yes,
two for a no.
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Comments
I love it! Here is a nice
Permalink Submitted by Crackersville on
I love it!
Here is a nice video for you and your excellent poem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjkQWIVEJto
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Did you mean 'inkled' or was
Did you mean 'inkled' or was it supposed to be 'inked' repeated?
Love this:
'where silver statuettes
fountain fresh ripples
on a talking pond;'
oooh the alliteration and the soundscape in those lines is just delicious!
J x
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I liked this, but thought
Permalink Submitted by hilary west on
I liked this, but thought the end let it down a lot !.
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Excuse me but the end is
Permalink Submitted by Crackersville on
Excuse me but the end is perfect. Littleditty, I hope you're not editing this one!
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Inkled, I think it means
Permalink Submitted by Crackersville on
Inkled, I think it means warp-faced, I had no problem with it. Onomatopoetically speaking it's fine, if it derives from inkle. OW, you should edit it.
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Hilary - rather than simply
Hilary - rather than simply saying you think the end let it down, why not tell ld why you thought that, which might help in an edit?
I personally thought the ending was great, so simple and so effective.
ld - inkled / inked - I don't understand the meaning - do you mean the answers are 'inked' as in written down and then it is able to gain an 'inkling', hence 'inkled'?
J x
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It's the 'burp' I don't
Permalink Submitted by hilary west on
It's the 'burp' I don't like.
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You say 'Bubbling' ponds.
Permalink Submitted by hilary west on
You say 'Bubbling' ponds. This is what occurred to me. I'd have used 'bubble',although you have already used it ! Gobble ?
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I like the burps! Ok, I get
I like the burps!
Ok, I get the inked/inkled thing now - think I might be slightly hungover...
J x
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Stick to your guns
Permalink Submitted by hilary west on
Stick to your guns littleditty !
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Well I didn't have an
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Well I didn't have an inkling about inkled before; but I guess I do now:-) And there is nothing like a good burp as the mood so takes one.
Loved this, ld. Now it's back to washing floors.
Tina:-)xx
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Burp. A good word,
Burp. A good word, onomatopaeic, relatively new in origin (1932 according to Etymology-on-line, but what do they know?). Let's hear it for this kind of language in poetry...
But it's nowhere near as delicious as 'inkle', of which - heretofore - I had nary an inkling.
Lovely poem LD.
Ewan
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I like the unpretentious
I like the unpretentious ending. You brought it down to earth with a burp.
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Love it! Welcome back LD ;)
Permalink Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Love it! Welcome back LD ;) I thought the ending was the best part, change nothing, keep chiselling!
Chris XX
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:-)It is a pleasure to read
Permalink Submitted by lenchenelf on
:-)It is a pleasure to read your work Little D, you have a keen eye (and ear) :-) atb L
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Such a magical, mystical
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Such a magical, mystical poem ld, crammed into so few words. Brilliant ;)
Magic xxx
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