My shadow
By andrew-evans
Sun, 01 Mar 2009
- 1562 reads
6 comments
My shadow,
always next to me,
my life long friend
telling his stories to me,
battles with pirate lords
and saves damsels;
I wish I could be
more like my shadow,
not just some
whacked-out sado;
I would stay up all night
and some times till day-break,
just sitting
and listening
to my shadow,
my hero.
But now he's gone;
he walked out the door;
he's not behind me
anymore.
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Comments
Disappears has one 's;
Disappears has one 's; inside it, and you don't need those commas on every line!
J x
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But you do need SOME - I
But you do need SOME - I wasn't implying you had to remove them all!!!
J x
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Yes but the line breaks do
Yes but the line breaks do that for you! Use punctuation where it makes sense, just as in prose-writing!
Note: 'stories', capital 'I' always,
Here:
My shadow,
always next to me,
my life long friend
telling his stories to me, - -ies!
battles with pirate lords
and saves damsels; - tenses!
I wish I could be - capital I
more like my shadow, - my
not just some
whacked-out sado; - hyphen
I would stay up all night - capital I
and some times till day-break, - hyphen
just sitting
and listening
to my shadow,
my hero. - full-stop here
But now he's gone;
he walked out the door;
he's not behind me
anymore.
Does that help?
J x
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