Chapter 1. The Letter P

Chapter 1. The Letter P.

Well, its obvious I have the most unfortunate taste in men that this world has ever seen. Almost everyone tells me that I have no chance. The ones that say I do, they are just trying to sympathize. For he is everything I'm not, a superb singer, the top-of-the-line actor, the person everyone goes to for advice, and so much more than I can even start to explain. He may be clumsy, but he is also very passionate and succeeds in everything he does, other than sports. I am the opposite. Fun-loving, has devotion towards sports, is a current member of the high school band and just has time on her hands to do whatever. However, there is one thing we have in common, a common viewpoint, a conversation starter, if you may. Catholicism is that main viewpoint. Being highly involved with church does have its benefits. Not that I do not like church, for I do, but knowing that I can see his face every Sunday morning at nine o'clock just gives me that extra push I need to endure the weekly masses, possibly even give me the strength to continue another three hours for a class I need to take in order to receive confirmation this year.
Many of you by now know this will be a love story, but I can promise you it will not be your ordinary love story. There will be no happy ending, or sad ending or any ending of the sort. This is just a chapter in my life that will open and close. I am a sixteen year old girl, I do not know what love is or how one encounters it. I believe some day I will find love of some kind, maybe in the most bizarre place possible, or maybe just in a neighborhood. The person who first said, "only God knows" was a very wise person, a wise person indeed. No one knows who will hold your heart in the end, which friends will be there for you until the end, who you can trust, live or die for. Some people will betray you, it is all part of life.
I know that this is not meant to be. You and I could never happen. There are to many people against us, to many obstacles in our way. Age difference plays a large role in these obstacles. A year in High School amounts to twelve in the 'real world'. I am just a girl who thinks she knows what road she is going to take in life. You know. A junior in high school who has known what he has wanted to do with his life since the seventh grade. How is that possible? You have found your extraordinary talent while I am left in the dust to ponder what will be going through your mind when you are ordained in upcoming years. I will be sitting here pondering what could have been, even though I know it is too late. You will have already joined the seminary and I will be off doing who knows what, with a family all of my own.
The truth is, what can I do. You wish to become a catholic priest. I am still in love with you, my friends and family know it, I believe you know it too. There is nothing I can contribute and anything I do or plan to do will just keep you off track from your goals. Even if we do become closer, I do not wish to keep you from your ambitions. My emotional thoughts can not be expressed into words as I know what you are going through right now. I have been encouraged to think that I love someone who could never love me back, someone who I know will never be able to have any feeling for me whatsoever. Yet something is pushing me to try. My heart will not let me fail, it keeps telling me to achieve the impossible. To my heart, nothing is impossible, yet to my mind I have boundaries. Boundaries that prohibit me from making any kind of movement towards what I want. You are the opposite. Nothing is to hard to gain for you, life is just one big obstacle course, waiting to be conquered for you. I am happy for you, really I am, it is just hard for me to appreciate such an extraordinary talent such as yours seeing as its something keeping me away from you. I do not wish to keep you from God, and I hope God does not see me as a bad person for writing my thoughts, even though he knew before I wrote this down on paper. He knows all.
The letter P stands for posterity, priesthood, passion, perseverance, everything this story is about. Keep this in mind while you read the on coming chapters of this autobiography of my passion for someone who I will never have.

Everything keeps reminding me that he is not a seminarian yet.