On the night when you threw and I ducked

On the day that I left Watford
removal van bulging
front door ajar
my keys on the kitchen table
beside the dent
from the frying pan
on the night when you threw and I ducked

I saw the hallway
which we had festooned for Christmas and birthdays for 12 years
for the first time
the stain where the plumbers we would never use again
had burst a bathroom pipe
sending water pouring down
on to the wallpaper we had no will to replace

the well trodden trail
up the stairs
to the bedroom where you had once seduced me
and later where I would plummet
every night
into a well of fear so limitless
that I became madness
and that chamber my Bedlam

the radiator that exploded
on the day our tears
shattered around our feet
like the promises our eyes gave each other
in the half remembered photographs on the wall

you stood there
in the hallway
a thousand miles away
waiting for me to leave
or not to leave as I had not left before
and I stepped backwards
and forever
out into eternity

for you it was betrayal
for me freedom
it was all the same