Tiny Tim and the Rolex

Picked out a nice yankee today,fancy the four horses strong, be a nice bit of dosh if they all come in.

"Cheers darling if they all come in your on for a nice drink when I pick me winnings up!"

"Good luck"

Nice girl her, Old Charlies daughter been round the block a few times but nice sort. I wouldn't mind!

Ok, off to the pub next door to watch them on the box, have a few beers as well, what a way to spend a lovely Saturday afternoon.

"Oi Oi, here he comes, the scarlet pimpernel!"

Bollocks it's Tiny Tim, I think I still owe him fifty quid from a few weeks back, look at the fucking size of him he must weigh 30 stone!

"Hello me old mate, you're looking well, sorry aint been about, had a horrible flu bug for weeks, I got that fifty quid I owe you"

"Cheers mate, it was hundred actually but if you've only got the fifty I'll take that for now"

Fuck!

"Yeh course it was, I remember now, heres fifty and I'll give you the rest next week, OK?"

"Lovely, I'll get the beers in"

I bet he buys about eight packets of crisps and nuts as well.

"Two pints of Stella please sweetheart and give us half a dozen packets of those dry roast nuts"

Fucking knew it, greedy bastard!

"There you go mate, get that down your neck"

"Cheers Tim, anyone else coming in to watch the racing?"

"Yeh Billy Nuisance said he might be in a bit later"

Fuck, thats all I need, him wrapped round me all afternoon, I'll end up leaving here with a new pair of shoes that don't fit me and a dodgey Rolex!

"Great, haven't seen him for a few days, nice bloke Billy"

"Yeh, I bought this watch off him last week, it was only a score, don't think it's real, do you?"

How fucking gullible can you be.

"Don't think so mate, I know it says Rolex but don't think so, not for a score!"

"Not bad though is it, it loses about 30 minutes a day but still not bad for a score"

Jesus look at the way he's shovelling those peanuts down his throat, I'm sure he's put weight on since I saw him last, forget 30 stone, more like 35!

"So Tim, how you been?"

"Triffic mate, been on a diet, lost quite a bit, you can see it can't ya"

"Do you know what Tim, I thought that as soon as I walked in, I nearly didn't recognise you, well done mate"

Fat fuck!

"Yeh, I'm really pleased, another beer"

"No its my round, same again, and more nuts?"

"No I'm cutting down mate, just get me four packets this time"

One more beer and I think I'll go watch the racing indoors, at this rate it's gonna cost me a fortune buying drinks and nuts for him all afternoon.

"Two beers love and four bags of whatever Tims having"

" Eleven seventy please"

Fuck me I'll be skint at this rate, been here 10 minutes and I'm already over sixty quid down!

"Is that all love, have one yourself"

"Oi Oi, here he comes, what you got for us today Billy?"

Fuck, no, not already, thats it I'm off.

"Billy me old mate, how are you?"

"Right as ninepence thanks mate, want any watches, sold Tim a lovely one the other day, didn't I Tim, have you shown it to him?"

"Yeh I saw it Billy, really nice"

"Well your in luck, I've got one left, I saved it for ya, I knew you'd want it as soon as you saw it, give us a score"

I don't fucking believe it, now I'm nearly ninety quid down. I'm getting out of here.

"Thanks a lot Bill, just got to go next door and put another bet on, see you in a minute"

I'm going home!