nightmares and memories
I lay here staring at the ceiling, watching the fan rotate counter clockwise circulating
the air around the room. A bead of sweat races across my brow and soaks into
the pillow case; this fever has taken a hold of me. Multiple bottles of
medicine sit on the coffee table and used tissues litter the floor; I push the
blanket off of me in attempt to get comfortable, but as soon as I do a wave of
icy chills runs down my spine. I roll onto my side and reach for the
hydrocodone cough syrup and take a long, slow, drink. I hope this medicine will
calm my body and give me some comfort, even if that means falling into a deep
sleep. Perhaps some pharmaceutically medicated dreams are exactly what I need.
I roll back over onto my back after flipping my pillow over to the cool side and
wait for the syrup to kick in. I begin counting the little white “popcorns” in
the ceiling, my eyelids grow heavy as I count 50 of them; I smile and drift off
I open my eyes after what feels like an eternity. The sun is high overhead and the heat is
nearly unbearable. I look around and notice that I am in the heart of a very
busy city and much of the signs are in English as well as Spanish. I walk along
the sidewalk and catch a reflection of myself in a store’s glass window. I am
wearing an old Misfits tee shirt with a pair of jeans, my hair is cut in a
military “high and tight” fashion, and I have a camel back strapped over my
shoulders. I take a sip from the drinking apparatus and find it’s filled with
whiskey and coke; I continue walking. Extreme déjà vu comes over me like a
wildfire; this has happened before, I know this place, I recognize these faces!
I come to a crossing in the road and notice the mall that sits across the
street, the sign reads CILO VISTA. That’s it; I am back in EL PASO! This was
the day where I left post early in the morning on one of our four day weekends
and hiked all over the city with nothing more than whiskey on my back. I met so
many interesting and kind people along the way and even got myself a new tattoo
which is displayed on my ribs in beautiful design.
One of my fondest memories from this day was meeting a homeless man named Fredrick. I
have to say that I have never met a kinder soul than him; Fredrick had lost his
job a week prior to our meeting and because of that loss his wife had left him.
He told me that he went wondering on the streets with despair in his heart and
just never went home. I offered him my whiskey and asked if he was hungry, he
said he wasn’t hungry but gladly took the whiskey. I got him to his feet and we
walked to a bar that was close by; we sat and drank and talked about the good
times as well as the bad. I bought us round after round and his spirits seemed
to be lifted. I told him that I thought he should go back home and try to fix
things with the woman that he loves after he sobers up; remind her that a job
is just a job, but love is forever. I went to the restroom and upon my
return Fredrick was gone. He had left a stack of one hundred dollar bills on a
note that read:
I thank you for your kindness and for proving that there is still room for love in this
world. By the way, as you can see I never needed money; and because of your
kind heart I want to give this to you.
He had left me five hundred dollars; I never saw or heard from him again. I would like to
think that he went back home and everything worked out for the best. I left the
bar and found a cheap hotel called the Lone Star INN and rested my tired feet;
thinking of tomorrows adventures.
I slowly open my eyes and I am covered in sweat; I kick the covers off of me. My wife is
now sitting next to me finger tipping my hair while she watches TV. All of my
tissues on the floor have been thrown away and the medicine on the coffee table
had been replaced with a fresh drink and two tablets. I wrap my arms around her
waist and squeeze, I love her. I reach over to grab the glass along with the
pills and drink them down. “What did I just take?” I ask my wife.
"The big pill was an antibiotic, and the little pill was something to help you sleep. I think
you need to sleep as much as you can to get rid of whatever this is you have…or
you could go to the doctor…” she added dryly
"Well, we both know that isn’t going to happen, this is just some stomach bug. I bet I will be
feeling right as rain by tomorrow morning.”
“We’ll see, but if not you are going straight to the doctor, mister!”
“Yes ma’am” I say with a smile. “So what was that small pill that I took? I am starting to
feel a little…. fuzzy.”
“Phenergan my love, to help your nausea and to help you sleep. Now hush up and close your eyes, my
show’s back on!” She winks at me and continues rubbing her fingers through my
hair. I close my eyes and drift back into a soft sleep.
I am floating through the atmosphere. I feel as light as a smoke cloud that is wafting all
the way up to the heavens, I am pushed and pulled by every gentle touch of the
breeze as I make my way up. The moon is before me in all of her glorious and
radiant splendor. She pulls me in closer and stares down at me with her giant,
white, glowing eyes.
"Where do you want to go?” she whispers
“Wherever the winds may take me.” I reply with my eyes still closed.
"You are an earthly creature, Taurus. Why not join me here? We could explore the heavens,
and make love in the oceans of the stratosphere….” Luna’s voice echoes in my
I open my eyes while slowly shaking my head left and right, “I am sorry love, but I cannot go
with you. I have a family that needs me back on earth.”
Her silvery light began to fade and the coolness of space seemed to be warming. Luna’s celestial
body grew bigger and bigger and her color turned into angry oranges and reds.
Her eyes were still glowing and casting an eerie white light that was fixated
on me as I lay still in her hands. The heat was becoming unbearable and I tried
my best to sit up but my body was locked in place. Luna was no longer herself
for she had transformed into the angry sun; my skin began to boil as his
massive mouth opened wide to swallow me whole. I rolled from side to side as
hard as I could and right before it was the end of me I managed to tumble out
of his palm.
I float through the stars as I watch the fiery sun sink away
into the distance. Solar flares shoot out for miles as he screams out enraged;
his mighty fists spin stars into black holes. I turn around to see earth in
front of me; I smile knowing that I am headed home. Great heat combust all
around me as I enter the atmosphere, I can feel screams emerging from my mouth
but hear no sound.
I wake with a start and sit upright on the couch; it is now
dark outside and I look down to see my three dogs all laying around the
electric fireplace chewing on bones; my wife is asleep on the other side of the
sectional wrapped up in a soft blanket. I am glad to be awake and to have a
break from my dreams for a moment and to get a cool drink. I feel dizzy from
the fever as I stand up for the first time in about five hours, and can’t help
but wonder about my vivid dreams. The image of the infuriated sun shaking his
fists and destroying the stars is burned into the front of my mind. As I ponder
on these dreams I look at my beautiful wife still fast asleep, her curly black hair
flowing over the arm rest. I kiss her lightly on the cheek and whisper, “Babe, I
love you to the moon and back”. Then I lay back down and drift gently off to