Chutes of Spring

By Di_Hard

Wed, 14 Feb 2018
  • 4545 reads
7 comments
 

Freshet

 

chill blue ceiling

full clouds uncoil

loosedrops cold

spool, pool till

slow supple surface

slope-called, slips

dimples ripple, demure

murmur curdles, dark

electric exodus

channel chutes, arching

rush chasmed. Crystal

chorus splash Crescendo!

 

swift susurrus spray

sink, slink away, sea seeking

Certificate U
Poem
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Parson. Read Gerard Manley Hopkins Spring last night and he always makes me think of the sounds of things, just wish I could get the aliveness of his poems though

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I so liked your pun on the Inspiration Point!!  And I had to look up 'Freshet', which I must try to remember! Especially liked the last line, and the wealth of alliteration.

I was a bit puzzled by 'murmer curdles'  ('murmur'?) and doesn't sussurrus have two 'r's, and is 'Chrystal' the same as 'crystal'? Not trying to pick typos, but just to see if I'm on the right lines! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Rhiannon :0) And THANKYOU  for pointing out spelling mistakes, have corrected them. Curdles was because the sound got thicker, deeper and joined together? Like milk clotting to make cheese? But maybe is the wrong word. It's so helpful to get your feedback

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Yes, that's an interesting idea. It was the word the two words together I was puzzled about, wondering if it wasn't murmur you meant. But now I like following the thought! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I'm impressed you could find any meaning in it at all with all the spelling mistakes! Thankyou again for helping with them

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Nicely done. Something different. Alliteration and sound and feeling. Like the word combinations - murmur curdles / rush chasmed / susurrus spray. Like this willingness to play with and create new images and ways of presenting words, it's brave and what sets a lot of poetry apart for me. Good work

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou for commenting Stephen. I will have to quote you if anyone saw me standing next to an overflowing ditch for ages, just listening. I'm not sure brave is the right word for that