The Boy and the Waking Giant
The giant was annoyed. When he lay down to have a little nap, 450 years ago, there was no grass. Nor indeed a great big house, which was now on his back.
“Grrrrrr!,” said the giant, as he struggled to get the house off his back. The house, however, would not budge, as it was made of really heavy things, like stone and whatnot.
He then saw a small human walking towards him.
“Oy! Human!,” said the giant. “Help me!”
The small human (who was actually male and about twelve years old) looked left, then right, than back at the giant, as he pointed with his thumb to his chest and adopted a questioning facial expression.
“Yes, you!,” said the giant. “Small person!”
The boy shrugged. “I’m not going to talk to you if you are going to be rude,” he said.
“But you are tiny and I am enormous!,” said the giant. “Why aren’t you afraid?”
“Who’s buried underground and asking a small boy for help?,” said the boy.
The giant grunted, farted, coughed, then growled at the boy.
“Well none of that is going to convince me to help you,” said the boy.
“What if I promise to give you sweets?,” said the giant.
“Have you actually got any sweets?,” said the boy.
“I’m a giant!,” said the giant. “I can get whatever I want!”
The boy thought about this for a few moments, then decided something useful might be gained from the situation.
“Okay,” said the boy; “let’s say I help you. What guarantee do I have that you will get me some sweets?”
“I’m not sure what-”
“And that you won’t just stomp on me as soon as you are free?”
The giant was getting pretty impatient. Which was ironic, considering he had just woken from a 450 year nap. He managed to contain himself, however, by breathing through his nose and burping (don’t ask).
“If you free me,” said the giant, “you can then climb on my back, whereupon I will take you to a sweet shop of your choice, stomp not on you but on the roof of the sweet shop, and you can help yourself to as many sweets as you could ever want.”
“Cool,” said the boy. “Let me go and get my dad’s tractor.”
He fetched his dad’s tractor, then attached the winch to the giant’s nose, turned on the engine and started to drive. Very slowly. Three-and-a-half hours later, the giant stood up and said, “Free at last!”
The boy raised his arms and said, “Sweeties…!”
Oh the gullibility of young boys.