i Hate Me

By iDrew

Sat, 19 Jan 2019
  • 685 reads
3 comments
 

i Hate Me

So Paul calls me his goddess says he worships me says I’m perfect. He’s become my Stepford wife. If this is true love it makes me feel sick. I’m such a fake and a bitch. I’m a slut from Essex. There’s no goddesses around here. I look in the mirror I know I’m quite pretty, I mean I would, natural blonde, a little skinny but not anorexic, small yet perfectly formed breasts, English rose skin, inviting smile so why does self-loathing make me horny, perhaps I am a goddess, Drew, goddess of self-hate and self-deprecation. But I’m not even a goddess of that. I’m nothing a tiny raincloud on a sun kissed day. I’m a fake and I’m a bitch plain and simple. I look in the mirror and I want him to despise me so I tell him lies belittle him mock his dick and give his best mate blow jobs; frequently. I’ve wanked off half his Sunday league football team. Call me a whore call me a cunt slap me. I’m a fake and I’m a bitch cut me with animosity. He can’t his only blade is honed from velvet. He treats me as if I were made of baby glass he’s so gentle and sensual, he kisses me bum says I’m pure flawless willingly is a slave to my every demand and whim. It’s sycophantic to the point of being vomitus. So what is love? Is love praying at the feet of an idol or is that blind faith? Is love about turning imperfections into immaculate statues? The fake bitch that is me wants love to be dirty and sordid. I’m a fake and I’m a bitch and I deserve to be humiliated. I deserve to be treated like shit. A pretty girl with ugly thoughts. A sweet young thing with a bitter tongue. A veracious vagina that consumes cocks as if biting the heads off of jelly babies. Did you know that a hate fuck is the king of fucks? Hate me! I want a hate fuck: animalistic and savage. I want my hair pulled, I want to be slapped. I want each violation to stress that I’m a cheap slag, a dog, an indiscriminate easy shag, a queen on all fours unworthy of the human race I want my cunt to feel bruised and battered so that I wince when I walk. I look in the mirror I’m a fake and I’m a bitch so hate me. Please hold my hand take me to the bedroom and hate me because I love you.

Certificate 18
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Comments

Submitted by ancientscrolls on

If thats true. Maybe you can indirectly point out how he can become your "alpha male".

 

Submitted by iDrew on

I think that’s there a little.

Maybe some truths, maybe not, I’m not saying anything other than I’m a good girl I am.

This is a little experiment really, kind of a New Years ress. to write outside my usual way to push myself a bit. Over Christmas I read ‘The End of The Affair’ and this was in part inspired by a paragraph that Sarah Miles narrates as she studies herself in the mirror hence the repeats of ‘I’m a fake and a bitch’. I wanted to take it out of the 50s and into the 21c, out of a middle class setting (of which I know little) into a working class environment and language.

Perhaps back to the drawing board.

 

xDrew 

the CLUELESS COLLECTIVE'S magazine is now a blog:

https://thecluelesscollective.blogspot.com

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I read this yesterday and have come back to it now after seeing your comment on the new piece - I wonder if it's because this doesn't have the usual touch of lightness/humour/self-deprecation - even with the heaviest/most serious of subjects, which is why I really like your writing