“there is a there…..still there”

Gold cherry

By MarciaMarcia

Fri, 24 Sep 2021
  • 783 reads
6 comments
 

 

“There is a there…still there”

 

 

found clarity in knowing

how to negotiate 

all things You

how to speak with You

how to “be” with You

in Your moments

lays bare…..

there is a there…..still there

 

my words when writing

come, 

not easy in flow

yet, 

express deeply, difficult thoughts, feelings

as I stand…..witness to

Your slow disappearance

Your self becoming un-become

this deconstruction  

of mind and body

done mercilessly 

by mercurial disfunction 

of synapse, alchemy and groove 

within grayed matter

 

these, have tolled my abilities to negotiate

my own being, now

by inner tremor,

in fog of headiness

by dizzy unbalance of self

In acknowledgement 

 

Your shadow of self

Your gone….but not gone

loss, a losing, a grieving

while You still breathe

this fragmentary death

while alive

a most ambiguous loss

 

I steel myself reeled and spooling 

again…..again…..and again

ambivalent in a dichotomy 

of feeling and knowing 

torturous…..exhaustion

all deplete normal needs

all limit desire to complete 

the uncompleted

all impede motion 

to advance forward

 

this passage 

of love’s life passing

undoes me

                        

                        

 

                        Marcia Marcia

                        September

                        2021

 

Certificate 15
Poem
Nature

Comments

Submitted by Di_Hard on

This is incredibly moving. I am so sorry. I wish I had some comfort for what you are suffering. I hope writing this helped and that you are able to have times of respite

 

Submitted by MarciaMarcia on

Hi Di_Hard.   Thank you so much.  I do have respite.  And I am able to remember, recently, so many wonderful memories of our life together. Writing does help me to ground myself in the validation of what is happening, living this surreal experience in real time and space  it is ok, isn't it, that I put these pieces on ABC?   For those that have no voice in similar cercumstances, maybe my words will somehow help them  

so again, Thank you for your kind response         MarciaMarcia

 

 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

The slow loss and bereavement must be so hard, though I suppose a sudden loss unexpected is hard in a different way.

Again you do describe the anguish, and sadness of the gradual contact lessening well, and yes, that mught be an encouragement to others finding it hard to vocalise.

My father-in-law was very distresssed at the beginning of his failing, didn't understand what was happening. He had always been a rather angry and antagonisitc sort of person. But gradually he could argue less, and concentrated more on listening, and, hopefully, trusting, and being more content in simple care and love of others. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I'm so pleased the writing is helping you, and that you're able to share it here. 

 

Submitted by rjnewlyn on

This is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day! Please share/retweet if you like it

Picture Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/37387777@N04/5507056190

(MarciaMarcia – the picture has been added for publicity purposes. Please feel free to change or remove.)

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Of course it is ok to put your poem here, it's more than ok, it is a great gift, because you are so honest, eloquent, brave, about what you are experiencing? Your words are a priceless resource and reassurance for others, saying you are not alone, I have been where you are. Not only that, it helps people understand that carers need support.

Please continue to post!