the Janus Look 7
Since I am sticking with this title, I feel I should start writing with my Bell’s Palsy story . I was thinking that it was all doing quite well - and when I looked in the mirror, I could see a face that was not all that bad - as long as you weren’t waiting for both eyes to blink.
Then I went to the hairdressers to get my hair cut. I sat in front of a very big mirror and told Emma the most recent version of my life story. And with almost every word, my face contorted. I never talked to the mirror at home, so hadn’t realised what a job people must have been having to just look at me, while I'm talking. Some words aren’t so bad - but any word with a b, g, j, o, p, u, w, y creates a very sour face indeed. So thanks to all my friends who didn’t tell me, and sorry to all the one ones that tried not to look.
In order to prepare myself for the verdict about my colon cancer, I have been searching for all sorts of things on Google. I found out my consultant surgeon had somebody die on her operating table. She wasn’t alone, one other surgeon had the same. No details. So maybe she was given a hopeless case.
I don’t think most of you were reading my work back when I was in hospital about 20 years ago or so, with acute abdominal pain. I was in for about 3 days and they did lots of tests on me, but couldn’t find a cause. But while I was in, there was a lady in the bed opposite who had an intestinal problem. She had acute peritonitis due to a hole in her intestinal wall. You can hear all the nearby conversations in a ward, so I perked up my ears while first her doctor, and then her daughters begged her to have an operation, where the end result would be that she had a colostomy bag. She so much didn’t want it. “The Queen Mother has one, and she isn’t put off by it, “ they pleaded with her, and in the end she gave in. She had the operation, but was dead by the time I woke up the next morning. Sometimes I get an urge to do something that haunts me - and on this occasion, it was wanting to communicate with that woman’s two daughters.. I asked the nurse if I could have their address to write to them, and she said no, but if I wrote a letter, she would fill in the address and post it herself.
In my letter, I told them that I was in the hospital because they thought I had the same sort of problem as their mother. (Stretching the truth a bit) And I said I knew how they had encouraged her to have the operation against her wishes, and I wanted them to know that I thought they had made the right decision. I said that if it had been me, I would prefer to have the hope of a better life, and the pain free end that the anastesia gave her. I had a note back from them, saying they really appreciated me telling them that.
I wonder if I will be in the same ward again, and have others listening to my daughters giving me advice.
I have just had my consultation with the colon specialist. She said the cancer is a part of the blockage, and obviously needs surgery but they needed to deal with some other things first. The scan showed some anomalies on the breasts, so I need to have a mammogram, and I am scheduled to have an MIT head scan, which will probably be sometime next week. I also am needing a transfusion as my heme levels are very low indeed. They should have done one last Sunday. They also want the new blood thinner to have time to settle down the possibility of more blood clots before surgery. So best guess is probably in June. It is a level 2 cancer because they think the lymph nodes are involved but they can't test those until the surgery. If they are involved 6 months of chemotherapy will follow. So it looks I probably will not die this time around anyway, but will have to put up with more waiting until I am free of the cancer. Might be time for another book.