Centipede Olympics

‘There’s a man in the house, there’s a man in the house and he’s trying to kill me!’ Robert says to his mother one Wednesday night.

‘There’s no one there love!’ she replies calmly..

‘He’s coming to get me, please call the gardai!’ he says with eyes as wide as saucers.

‘Robert, there is no one there!’ she says with her hands on his shoulders.

‘But if he comes to the door you have to promise me….’

‘…Robert…’

‘…you have to promise me you’ll call the gardai!’ he says breathing heavily, panic written all over his face.

‘Come with me Robert,’ his mother says and brings him into every room in the house and turns on all the lights, ‘there’s no one there!!’

‘But he’s…’

‘…turn around here and we’ll cook you something spectacular for your lunch!’

‘…he’s there and he has a knife, oh god!’

‘Turn around to me here and set your phone next to the back splash and we’ll put on the big bang theory while we cook!’

‘I don’t want him to get me but….’

‘…turn around Robert!’ she physically turns his body towards the saucepan on the cooker.

‘Now you stir the onions while I cut the garlic!’

‘But he’s….

‘…the onions Robert. How long do we sweat the onions?’ his mother is seriously getting concerned.

‘What’s that noise?’ Robert asks, ‘he’s at the door!’

‘We locked all the doors, remember?

Robert nods unconvincingly.

‘Have you taken anything today, Robert?’ she asks half hoping its paranoia from some bad weed.

‘No! Oh god he’s coming!’

‘C’mon now Robert, focus on the onions. I’ve just put the garlic in so what’s next?’

‘But he’s…

‘…. what comes next?’ she physically turns her thirty-three-year-old son praying for him not to end up like his sister who has borderline personality disorder accompanied with psychosis and depression.

 

Roberts mother remembers back to when her daughter wasn’t on the right meds and the centipede Olympics happened on the ceiling of the ICU in a mental health hospital. Her daughter, Jennifer, did the commentary as to how the centipedes had to go from one roof tile to another with 98 pairs of shoes on at all times. If one shoe falls off, they have to put on a spare in order to adhere to the rules of the contest. She remembers laughing her head off when one of the centipedes fell and landed funny on two of its legs. It was carried on a stretcher to an ambulance who brought her to the centipede hospital and arrived back an hour later with 96 legs and 2 hands. There was even a chairman of the board who had to decide if it could compete with 2 legs missing. After much deliberation, it was hoisted back up to the ceiling and continued to take part in the Olympics, even with two legs missing.

 

‘Oh my god he’s here!’ Robert begins to tremble and starts crying.

‘It’s ok love, it’s just your mind playing tricks on you!’ she says turning him around to the pan of ingredients she had no purpose for other than to keep Robert distracted, praying for it to pass soon. She brings him into all the rooms again, each with its light on, and proves to him that all the doors are locked and that he is safe.

‘So there’s no one there?’ Robert says, his bottom lip trembling.

‘No love,’ and she watches Robert check the doors one last time and turns the dining room light on once again, spatula at hand.

‘Oh!’ he says and joins her at the cooker. ‘Who put the big bang theory on?’ he asks.

‘You did!’ she smiles at her son as she can see he is coming out of whatever that was.

‘And what are we cooking?’ he asks.

‘A concoction!’ she answers giggling, delighted to hear a bit of her usual son back.

‘I still have to make my lunch for the morning!’ Robert says as if the past 30 minutes didn’t register in his brain. ‘Why is the dining room light on?’ he asks.

‘I had to show you there was no murderer there!’ his mom answers pouring the contents of the concoction into the bin.

She decides to tell him about the episode and that he should really ring his councillor.

‘But its nine o’clock at night!’ Robert answers.

‘Text him then!’ she says softly, ‘he needs to know what has just happened!’

Within ten minutes of receiving the text, his councillor rings him and advises that if it happened again, they may have to think about in patient care and that he wasn’t to be left alone for the night.

His mothers heart sinks at the thought of having two kids effected by psychosis, but knuckles down for the night in the sitting room, Robert on the couch, and they line up some cookery program.

 

His mother remembers laughing at the centipede Olympics, but that was just one out of many episodes that her daughter had that didn’t involve people coming out of her, or of her being abducted and is convinced there is a microchip imbedded in her leg which she then tries to remove. She gets twelve stitches for her troubles. She doesn’t choose to recall the capuchin monkey on the motorised car who was after him because it was her fault that his motorised car got stolen with €50,000 worth of heroin hidden under the seat. No, she chooses to go with the centipede Olympics where she sat there laughing at the antics that went on at the event, the highlight being the long jump…. but that’s another story!

 

 

 

image copyright free from flickr