Uncommon Light - August 02 2002

06.53 am I woke up about half an hour ago, and I am listening to the
first Green Day album on the Mac. I spent ?120 on this 7200/90 and all
I use it for is playing CDs, but it has a nice sound. Soon as I put the
album Dookie on I thought of Erin. But thats what happens when you
connect.

Last night we were chatting and I was listening to the Damned for a
bit, and I seemed to be unable to talk so much, so I stopped the Damned
because I wasn't connecting to Erin.

I fed the cats yesterday (01) and sometimes its a struggle to persuade
them that the food I have put out for them is actually fresh. They both
look at me at times, as if to say, "we know how old this stuff is, you
fool no one." They ate it anyway.

On the train listening to Slade again, zooming past all the stations,
drinking my can of Sprite and writing a text message to Erin. I
discovered how to text in mixed case, ok, no big deal but I was well
happy.

Most of the day I was doing network admin stuff. Then I helped my boss
take the rubbish over to our other site and then lug a printer back to
our own site, and he wanted to move the main printer there so now we
have two photocopiers and two DN4550s in a space the size of a small
kitchen. I looked at the time, and expected him to make me stick the
cartridges in the new one, but I got out at 1pm and was able to ring
Erin, from my favourite place in the market next to where I work. I
mentioned that I get ready every evening as if to go out, its a form of
discipline, because I used to come in from work, fling on some clothes
and go online, but now, I take a bit more time, I play guitar, I even
have a proper tea and watched tv with my wife. We saw this programme
"Perfect Match" which is about a single person being matched up with
another single person from a choice of 35. So, last night, there was a
guy who was deep and "nice", and had been in love before and got
burned, spending time with a girl from Brixton. There was a spark, but
he didnt think she was going to come out of her shell, and I thought he
made the mistake of discussing kissing her in front of his friends. If
he cared for her, you dont mention the full graphics. So, next up,
after a week (thats the way the show works) was a Sloaney type who was
more his cup of tea. And they hit it off straight away, and after a
week, they (the panel) suggested that they take her out and put in the
third girl, and she freaked. No way was she leaving him. I expect they
will be a couple for a long time if not for good, I hope so.

I went online and chatted with Erin. I told her why I was late, and she
said she had heard about the programme I had watched. It reminded me
that when I was a lot younger I ended up being the one that girls went
to when they had dumped by my friends and I used to help them get it
together again. I wasn't seeing anyone at the time, so I was able to
help, bolster their confidence, cause thats the thing, when you get
dumped, your confidence goes down the toilet and you spend days
wondering if you had done this or that it would have made a difference.
Of course when I was dumped, I had nobody who could help, well, apart
from a friend who stuck by me while I was throwing up in the bog
because I was "lovesick". I wasnt too happy for months after that,
friends noticed how angry I was and how much I hated people. Life
sucked for ages. But I got by in time, I had to. I did see other girls
but none of them really gelled with me till I met the girl I
married.

You see I like it when relationships work out.

Back of my mind I got burned last year, or was it really early this
year, they were a friend and it all went wrong, maybe my fault, I dont
know, and I dont care but it made me cold. I take a while to open up.
Let people inside.

Its like an uncommon light that illuminates my world, reflecting
dreams. Erin told me that when I was thinking I was walking round
amongst the snakes we were actually on the ladder, which was a romantic
thing to say. Snakes and Ladders. I can sometimes not remember my
dreams, but I wake up thinking, well they must have been good, cause I
feel positive.

My nephew has back stage passes for Reading. My niece is going with
here friends and me. My nephew's band Smother have a contract and a cd
single out in September, and they are good. He's not playing Reading
but another band on the label is.

I thought of another band name "iceway". I did a search - it seems a
safe choice. I may not have all the answers but I sing what I want when
I can. I think thats all that anyone can expect.

I want to go to Glastonbury next year. I like that place. I wonder if
Erin would go too?