ravensbruck 3

Max was in the toilet on the first landing when he heard the polite chap on the door. It irked him, but he tried to hurry, straining and finally wiping his bottom with the scraps of newspapers he’d been reading and brought to the lavatory with him. He sniffed at his fingers before sliding the bolt back and opening the door, to see the shining buttons on the luxuorious long coat of an SS officer. Grinning he looked up at the blonde hair and blue eyes of his half-brother Dieter, who smiled back at him and ruffled his hair. Max hoped his neighbours would pop there head out of the door and see him now. But most were Lutherans and after morning service were inside cooking what smelled like cabbage for Sunday lunch, perhaps even a bit of beef and listening to the radio.

‘I thought it was you, when I came into the close,’ said Dieter. He took off his uniform hat, tucking it under his arm, sniffed and pinched his nostrils together and talked funny, ‘Then I knew it was you.’ His laughter bubbled up and filled the landing and Max found himself laughing too.

‘Is Mutter in?’ asked Dieter, frowning and suddenly serious. He ruffled his hair again, but this time with no affection, like patting a dog before pushing it away.

‘Yes, but we’re going to a Bible Study group soon.’

Dieter put his hat back on and staring at Max’s face and biting back a smile. ‘You’ve grown taller. And you know, of course, you shouldn’t be talking to me. In case I corrupt you. Shun the sinner like you would shun Satan.’ He said in a portentous voice mimicking the elders and watched Max’s face change like the weather.

Dieter slapped him on the shoulder in consolation. He too had his spell of endless Bible studies with its everyday tales of Armageddon and knew well the mixture of guilt and public embarrassment, Max’s glowing red cheeks and the way his eyes dropped to his feet revealed at being caught out.

‘What about the old man?’ Dieter’s blue eyes hardened, but he tried to keep the same light tone in his voice. ‘Is he too reading his bible, making notes and preparing for the end of all things?’

‘Yes, he’s studying.’

Dieter knew with the boy’s petted lip, he’d gone too far. They shared a mother, but not a father. His dad had cared more for his beer than what he did his only child, but encouraged him to join the Hitler Youths and to go on healthy treks in the mountains in summer months, with lots of singing and marching. He’d proven to be a natural leader. His mother hadn’t taken much interest in what Hitler or anyone else did and was content to keep a tidy house, cook meals and make sure they were well dressed and taken care of.

Their cosy world changed when his dad was murdered and they’d gone hungry and cold. Then she’d gone a bit crazy looking for answers, looking for help. He’d been shuffled from to relative to relative until she found work and he’d been attending meetings of a different kind, Bible classes. Dieter hadn’t been much good at school and all that studying made his head hurt and his cheeks had grown thin and no longer dimpled in the way they used to.

His school teacher and Hitler Youth leader (Deutsches Jungvolk in der Hitler Jugend) had sought him out and made him see sense regarding stupid fairy stories about God and turning the other cheek. Sacrifice, the Volk and survival of the fittest was a self-evident truth that Dieter couldn’t deny. More importantly, he’d provided an escape route, with Dieter going to live with his dad’s brother, Herbert, and his family. They too upheld the evangelic belief in Germanic Reich values. He’d faithfully continued to visit his mother here at home, until Karl asked him not too. That had also helped his membership into the elite SS unit, his willingness to cut off asocials, even if they were his own family.

His proud uncle had slapped him on the back and their family had congratulated him on his rapid promotion, but now he was being sent what seemed certain to be the Eastern Front he felt the need to come home.

He followed Max up the stairs, and he’d tilted his head at Mila’s door as if listening to his heart dropping like a stone down a wishing well. Once, with half-closed eyes, they had almost touched lips. A black-bedecked war widow now stayed in the house, but there was renewed lightness in his step and he hoped one day they’d meet again.  

Max scurried into the house and Dietrich stood tall at the open door, his heels together, fingering the cap in his hand with thumb and forefinger. He heard the singsong cadence of the boy.

Karl appeared in his shirt and tie and grey suit, the heel of one polished shoe scraping the polished floorboards and limping down the hall.

‘What do you want?’ Karl asked.

Before it became outlawed, Karl was a veteran of such visits, turning up on doorsteps with Jehovah tracts and being abused, dogs being set on him and spat upon. His eyes were fixed firmly on Dieter’s and his clean-shave face showed no emotion.

‘I want to see my mother.’

‘I’m sorry, that’s not possible.’

‘Yes, I thought you’d say that.’ Dieter rubbed at the back of his neck and put his cap back firmly on his head. ‘Good day to you.’

Karl nodded in reply.

Dieter glanced over his shoulder where Max had appeared with his mother smiling and standing behind him at the living-room door.

‘I’m sure it’s important, why don’t you come in for a minute?’ said Bertha.

Karl turned his whole body to look at her, but he kept a firm grip of the door. ‘One minute,’ he looked straight ahead at a patch of damp, like the map of a small country, growing on the whitewash of the plastered wall.

Dieter swept past him and into the living room. His mother was not overly affection, but she pulled at his wrist and he felt the warmth of her trembling body as she cuddled him.

‘Tell me?’ she said.

‘Mutter, I leave in the morning,’ he stroked her hair and felt tears in his eyes. He’d heard stories, such terrible stories, but like the others had laughed them off. Gloried in them. His body trembled too.

‘I’ll pray for you,’ his mother sighed and when she pulled away from him, even though she turned her face away, he could see she’d been crying.

And Max seeing his mother crying, began sobbing too.

 ‘Go,’ she said.  

He pulled her close and kissed her cheek, before marching down the hall. Karl looked through him and the door clicked shut behind him with finality.