Every Junkie Fears the Miracle

The miracle cure has come.
But –
What if Jesus himself looked you in the eye?
Whether in the beginning,
Your own genesis, bathed in sweat
Wrapped in heated blankets
Handed to you by a kindly old nurse
That remembers having the shakes once himself?

Or at your end times,
Standing in the sun beams
Of your release, your rebirth
Your own hard to believe reincarnation
Into a realm, that no one left behind, can understand?

What if He looked into you?
Deeply, & you knew he knew –
& He says, “Nah…No, No, No, kid.”
“Not here,
Not this town,
Not this job,
Not this girl,
& Definitely not this dream.”

I held your small, delicate hand,
In my square, meaty paw.
Got knockout power in both fists,
& I’ve been working at mastering the pen for years,
But I still couldn’t hold you well.
I couldn’t make you better, kneeling there
Under judgment & fluorescent lights.

We had shared a knowing look,
A surprised but weakly given smile,
When she sang the same words I had said just earlier –
“I fixed up some old buildings
& Planted a few trees.
Animals & children seem to like me” –
& Kate in MI says, she’s no idiot.

I’ve missed you in the covers.
Missed you in my clothes.
Missed you in the shower.
I add up all those smallest moments,
Push them forward,
As though wrapped in a paper cone
Like flowers for your mother,
Unless its you that needs convincing now.

Even when you’re away,
In that place everyone feels alone,
On the detox bed,
Trying to navigate
Trying to separate
The good from the bad,
The love from the opium,
The addiction from our promise.

She soulfully told the future
When she sang –
“The full moon is about a week away.”
The ocean reflects with tides
As you eclipse yourself
Because the miracle has come
& Every junkie fears the cure
Because it might not be you anymore,
It may not include me anymore,
This is about somebody new.

But there was something right
In the way we laughed together,
In the way we loved our ‘chothers,
& I followed you here.
So use both your hands to hold my hand.
I need you to look me in the eye,
I need you to tell me in your new voice,
“Yes, it can be here,
Yes, you can in this town,
Yes, it could be that job,
Yes, I’m still your girl,
& You can forever follow your dreams,
When you’re with me.”

Because every junkie fears the miracle.