Which is a pity, partly as this week’s blog was going to be about vests.
I saw a feature in a magazine recently, Top 50 Vests of the World! and I thought I quite fancy one. Can, I thought, a 37 year old safely wear a vest these days?
It’s not as if I’m just anyone. In last week’s Boyz magazine I was the 49th Great Gay Thing. There I was perched gayly above Robbie Williams at no. 50 and the Ukraine Eurovision Song Contest entry at no. 48.
The very next day I was in Debenhams, the Top Man concession, looking for a papoose for my forthcoming stint in Prague when there before more was a whole rack of fashion vests. I managed to desist.
I kind of regret it now. It’s one of those things that I’ll have to live with. Luckily, I have Me and Mickie James finally coming out to cheer me up. It is now available to buy on Amazon and apparently in the shops.
I am a little disappointed that it wasn’t whisked down the Thames in the butt cheeks of a naked sailor a la the new Bond book, but I am pretty excited nevertheless.
Now I have the worry of wondering whether anyone will buy it. But as they say in the Post Traumatic Stress Handbook I am ‘thinking positive, staying positive’. This book is issued to all soldiers and is quite a read.
‘In the event of post-traumatic stress, please avoid all loud explosions’.
‘Feeling stressed! Why not take in a movie?’
‘Always remember to drink plenty of water.’
(In a brief aside, from the blog stats page on my Wordpress account I know a lot of people come to this blog after searching for Mickie James the wrestler. I am sure that she is lovely but my Mickie James isn’t her. My Mickie James is a hunchback. I should further add that I don’t know what Mickie James (the wrestler’s) oiled breasts look like, nor do I have pictures of her naked, whether she has a boyfriend, or what her address is.)
(In a second aside it’s true I did write a story Arse Licking for Beginners but again I am not an expert. If you are looking for an ‘arse licking award’ or ‘man licking woman’s arse’ you are going to be disappointed.)
I spoke to a very nice lady at the BBC yesterday.
“I liked your play,” she said, “but we’ve already commissioned a series of sci-fi dramas and I’ve been told not to take any more. Not even one.”
Me: “I didn’t think my play was science fiction.”
Very Nice BBC Lady: “It’s got a time machine in it.”
Currently reading - You Don’t Love Me Yet, Jonathan Letham
Currently listening to - The Hobbit, audiobook