But Why Not? finale... too long, I know...

I felt like I conquered the world with those too in each of my hands! I felt like screaming to celebrate my victory but I knew better.

It took me quite some time to convince the male to release me from his bite, knowing now that I interrupted his mating, I can understand why he was really furious. But after he realised he wasn’t going anywhere, he just settled in my hand and that was it.

I hid in the bushes to take a good look of them and I knew I wasn’t ready to release them.

No way.

My mum was checking from a distance (the rule was I must stay close so I can hear when she was calling me) so every now and then she was asking me what I was up to, busy with the meal preparation, and I replied every time with something like “I’m watching a beautiful butterfly” or “I just saw a frog” etc., and that did the trick.

Soon it was time for lunch and I had a serious problem to solve – how to have a lunch and still keep my catch? Obviously, I couldn’t just appear and ask someone to hold them for me for a while so at this point I enrolled my brother. I asked him to sneak away a plastic container to put those too for a bit, hide them and quickly had my lunch.  My brother didn’t see what the container was used for as I was hidden in the bushes but he didn’t asked questions so job done!

After I finished my lunch I returned to my catch. I spent the whole afternoon holding them, marvelling over their beautiful colours, even stroking them, while avoiding their attempts to bite me again. Soon they got the point and stopped trying to bite me and after a few hours they even stopped trying to escape, seemed really calm and didn’t mind at all being held – they were probably tired now that I think about it, but back then I was convinced they liked me.

I was over the moon, to put it mildly!

Soon it was time to go as my mum announced it and she started packing in so we can go home and I heard she couldn’t find one of the containers she brought… Then my brother whispered by the bushes that I need to give the container back so he can return it or I can do that on my own.

No way I was setting those two free yet!

So I gave the container to my brother, waited to the absolute last minute in the bushes until it was time to go, and then I put both lizards under my t-shirt, tucked it in my shorts – no way they were going to fit in any of my pockets – and joined happily my family for the trip back home.

Yeap, that’s what I did – I put them under my t-shirt…  Didn’t feel even a bit revolted or disgusted feeling them against my skin and they seemed to like it. They probably did as it was warm there and they were quite tired, but again – I was totally convinced they really liked me…

I even slept in my mums’ lap on the way back home and none of my new friends made a move or tried to escape – thank God…

Don’t even want to think what could have happened if one of them crawled out of my t-shirt while my father was driving…

Stupid, I know… But I was just a kid - that's all I have to say in my defence. Now why the lizards chose not to – that I don’t know. Perhaps they were warm and feeling safe and cosy or perhaps they realised the real threat it’s not me, but everyone around me… We’ll never know, but they stayed put.

We arrived safely back home and I introduced my new pets to their new home – my drawer… Yes, I know, not very clever, but what do you expect? That’s the best place I could think of back then…

After a few days – I still can’t believe that those two didn’t try to escape from my drawer – my mum, tidying up after us and cleaning, opened my drawer to put something there and quickly closed it back.

There was a massive green lizard staying in all his glory on top my things.

What she is saying now that at first she thought she was “seeing things”, “THAT THING can’t really be here!”

Then, remembering who was the owner of the drawer, she didn’t attempt to open it again. She already that THAT THING really IS there and – I have to say again, I really admire how she managed to keep her cool – came to me in the kitchen and asked me to come to my room very politely.

What she didn’t know was that there were two of them. The second one was what made her “lose her cool”…

I already knew I was busted - my mum just sked me to come with her to my room while she was cleaning it (if I had to be there while she was cleaning, I wouldn't be asked so politely) -  but I kept my cool too.

My brother knew where the lizards were so he knew too I was in trouble, my father didn’t know anything, but sensed that “something” is happening so both of them followed me quietly, keeping their distance – my brother so he could deny he was involved and that he knew, and my father to get a better understanding of to expect - to back off, or simply put it run from the situation, if there was need for running… After all, his daughter has done something again and it was always a surprise.

She brought me to my room watching me straight in my eyes.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“No”, I said.

Deny, always deny, was my moto back then. Until, of course, there was no room for denying it…

“You sure?” – she asked me again.

My dad and brother were watching quietly from the other room. My brother waiting for the culmination of the situation so he could laugh, my father waiting to find out how serious the situation was this time – he knew he wouldn’t be laughing, but after all he is the man of the house, or he thought so. My mum may need him. Yeah, right!

My father was, and still is, an amazing man but being an animal tamer or in his words “his daughters' pet tamer”, was certainly not among his many qualities.

“Yeap, I’m sure”, I answered. I knew she knew already but I REALLY wanted to keep my pets.

“Ok”, my mum said, “then open your drawer and show me what you’ve got there.”

I was a bit puzzled. Really?

Didn’t know she was holding one of those kitchen brushes behind her back and she intended to use it. And she would have if I allowed her.

“Now, hold on a minute!” my father said in the safe distance from the other room, “What is in the that drawer?”

Now I know he was not preparing to “defend” us, he was preparing to run, knowing that if my mum was in my room with me, then she is more than capable to handle whatever I had in there.

“Nothing, Dad! I don’t know why my mum…”

“I’m goanna stop you right there”, my mum said, slightly raising her voice, “Now open your drawer and show me what you have there”.

I was cornered.

There was no way to deny anything anymore and I couldn’t think of any lies and, to be honest, I wasn’t really good at lying, my mum could see straight through me (which I thought was a superpower or something back then, otherwise how could she possibly knew I was doing something I was not supposed to be doing?).

Now I know. And it’s my son turns to figure out how come I know what he is doing without me even seeing him doing it – it’s still a mystery to him!

So… I had to face to consequences… “Ok”, I said, “but promise me you are not going to hurt them!”

My mum froze for a second, taking in the word “them” and then asked me calmly, or she thought so, I could hear already the panic in her voice creeping in.

“Them?” afterwards she found out she was griping the brush so tightly at that point, she cracked the plastic handle…

I nodded.

Before my mum managed to think it over and come up with a strategy how to deal with more than one of “them” – she only knew it’s more than one as she saw one of “them” with her own eyes, but now we are talking about multiple “intruders”. And all this is happening in a tiny apartment on the third floor in an apartment building.

I opened the drawer to the horror of my mum as she wasn’t ready with a strategy, and mainly to the horror of my dad. My brother was already in the kitchen looking for a plastic container…

“They are absolutely harmless,” I started explaining with excitement “he might bite, but it doesn’t really hurt, well, just a bit, and they like when I play with them, they like to be kept warm and stroked gently” – at that point I was holding the male in my hand – “and this one… where is she… ah, there she is” – and then I turned around holding proudly both of my precious pets in my hands.

Try to imagine this – I was around 3.2/3 feet back then, if not less, and each of my pets were approximately 1.15 feet each (including the tale). Both lizards were absolutely calm in my hands, holding them with a loose grip. I was always very careful not to harm them in any way and very gentle handling them, so I guess they knew by then they are somewhat safe in my hands or to be completely honest – they didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

Did you manage to “see the picture”? I hope so.

Few things happened simultaneously.

While I was still explaining how fascinating they are my mum backed off, but just a little bit and the brush was already in front of her.

I just heard how my father gasped in disbelief, but said nothing.

“Is that all of them?” asked my mum with a shaking voice.

“You promised not to hurt them!” I said pointing to the brush, not realising that by pointing I was getting my new friend closer to my mum.

She backed off a little bit, but the brush stayed ready for action.

“Answer the question. Is that ALL of them?”

“Yes, just those two,” I nodded.

Before my mum made any other move my brother appeared with a plastic container from the kitchen and held it open near me “They’ll be safer here”, he whispered to me, “just put them in here”.

I thought about it for a few seconds, no one doing or saying anything, then decided that my brother was right, thinking about the brush in my mum hands, and I put them in the plastic box. I also put the lid over but not closing it completely as they had to have access to fresh air, right?

Now that the lizards were “contained”, the brush was down (although I refused to give the box away to my brother, and besides – no one else wanted it…) and my mum was still keeping her cool, the questioning started.

“Ok,” said my mum, “Can you put the box on your desk for a bit so we can talk?”

“Sure.” I did what I was asked to do politely, or I thought so and was actually starting to think that I might not be in a big BIG trouble. I left the box with the lizards on my desk, the brush was gone and I sat next to my mum on my bed, naively thinking that she is actually fine already with all this.

“Where did you get those lizards from?”

“I didn’t get them! I caught them on my own!” I replied proudly.

“You caught them? When?”

I started explaining with all the excitement only a child can experience, while my mums’ face got paler and paler and nodding as she, apparently, had no words to say anything at this exact moment, but still keeping her cool.

Then the obvious question popped out.

“How did you managed to take them with you, you weren’t carrying anything, how…”

Now that was a big mistake on my.... I interrupted her and simply said “They slept in my t-shirt on the way back home in the car.”

This was the moment my mum completely lost her cool…

“YOU WHAT? IN THE CAR? IN YOUR T-SHIRT?... OMG! AND YOU SLEPT ON MY LAP!!!”

She left the room, holding her head with both her hands, still shouting. My father was nowhere to be seen and my brother had a bright smile on his face, enjoying all this.

This was his big mistake – “YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS??” my mum cornered him with her well-known “sparkle” in her eyes – the smile was gone and he quickly find a way to disappear for the time being.

It took around half an hour for my mum to get herself together, but I clearly remember her siting on the sofa talking to herself “I just don’t know… I… what if it was… Oh God! I just don’t know how…”.

Don’t remember much afterwards. There was, of course, a conversation about what I did could have ended very differently if one of the lizards crawled out of me while my father was driving, and I should never, EVER, do anything like this again. And, of course, that I can't keep them.

"BUT WHAY NOT? They really like me.

Then I was explained that they would be happier if set free and I knew my mum was right... So here is what happened.

My mum knew me well, so she knew this was going to happen again and again, no matter what she was saying to me, so instead of a punishment I got to keep my lizards till the next weekend so I can set them free where I caught them and received a massive, A5 format, hard cover book with an amazing pictures, although used but who cares, “Introduction and basic knowledge of reptiles”. It was in Russian, which I understood a little of, but given the fact my mum used to teach Russian, it was all good.

I was over the moon!

It didn’t cross my mind that my mum had finally understood that I wouldn’t stop, so she had to educate me – what is safe, what is not, what is poisons and has no place under my t-shirt…

And that was not because of the lizards. I’ve put them in similar situations with scorpions and snakes… (I spent a few years in Libya before “the lizards”) and although we were not in Libya anymore, there are still a few poisonous “things” I should know about.

Now, there is nothing on earth that would make me put again a lizard under my t-shirt or any living creature. I still love them, still catch them and educate my kids how to handle them and not being afraid of them, but under my t-shirt – over my dead body…

Hope you enjoyed reading it, I know it’s too long. But hey – I’ve started with the “easy” once, I still have interesting species to talk about…

As of my mum – now you understand why was she frisking me like I was a drug dealer or something, every time I was coming back home.