Road Users' Manual

By Housetrained
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Chapter One: The SORN
Before buying your first car you should be comfortable with the idea of the SORN. Since your car is not likely to be in good condition, unless you have rich parents, it is vital that you declare a SORN as soon as you get it home. If you don't declare a SORN in good time you may wake to find your car GORN.
Declaring your first SORN could take several hours. There are many ways to do it. The online method is open to anybody who can prove they are who they type they are. To confirm your identity you can describe your fingerprints, have a friend type in your identity (as long as he can prove who he is), or sign in with Facebook.
SORNs are always DECLARED, never stated, declaimed or shouted from the rooftops. If you make a FALSE SORN you will wish you had never been BORN. If you wish to make a SORN for a CAH with a crumpled HORN, inspect it first to make sure it is not farm livestock. Your car should have a HORN suitable for alerting, frightening or entertaining other road users. If it is an AIR HORN, declare your SORN urgently and then hang yourself before you cause any more embarrassment to your family and friends.
Do not confuse with:
The SORN-off shotgun
The SORNday school outing
DAWN SORN in the Streets
PORN (sounds very similar)
SORN in the CORN (sequel to Catcher in the Rye)
The other SORN-off shotgun (with fingerprints)
Once your SORN is thoroughly declared, fold it neatly and post it to Australia.
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Brilliant ... having gone
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