A Secret Can Kill Ya
By ice rivers
Yeah, secrets will kill ya. I know and knew this all along. Perhaps I have a secret unconfessed death wish because I don't want anybody to find out about it.....that's why I went thirty years without seeing a Doctor .
I was feeling good and I didn't need nobody to tell me different plus I was immortal. I was almost all that I thought about.
Forget about the concept of blood tests and x rays. Having my own blood reveal shit about me that only it knew felt like traitorism at the most intimate levels with a prick to go along with the confession. X rays reveal way too much of the interior...almost obscene in their nakedness.
Way too much truth.
Sure enough my body was keeping a secret. That secret was cancer. My body had been keeping that secret for seven years when I finally agreed to see a doctor. I had no symptoms and no suspicion that my body was keeping such a secret. The doctor made all the plunges. piercings and photographs and sure enough my secret was revealed at first to me and eventually by me to everybody who knew and loved me.
Even though I had no symptoms going in, I had the suspicion that because of my long abstinence from medical scrutiny that the doctor would find something tattling on me. Sure enough my secret was revealed by my blood.
I got the call. I didn't bother asking "why me."
I applied denial for awhile until that became futile.
When confronted with overwhelming evidence, I decided to go public with my secret hoping to encourage others like me to get their inner secrets checked out before the secret did in fact kill them. I found out that my particular secret was a secret that was being kept by millions of men all over the world with thir blood, like mine willing and able to bear witness if called upon.
I wrote about my secret. I wrote about my choices. I wrote about my fears. I wrote about my hopes. I wrote about my fatigue and my eventual recovery...none of it was secret anymore.
I survived that secret.
And that survival is no secret as you can see.
I'm heading for a check-up tomorrow.