The Cat Krampus Campus (And Moment who couldn't resist not doing nothing) Part 2

 

It tasted so good that it cancelled out all his senses, except for taste and smell. His sight, his hearing and his common sense all drifted into obscurity as he devoured a healthy portion of the premium dish which had been set aside for the special occasion.

 

He zoned out Carol who had now entered the dining room, swearing under her breath as she laid out some Christmas crackers at the table settings. There was an abrupt halt in her preparations, a freezing of time followed by a sharp intake of breath.

 

‘Harry!’ she shouted in a voice which accelerated in urgency and caused the jovial chatter of the houseguests to fall silent.

 

‘What?’ said Harry after a few seconds, bemused by the drama as he peered around the door, clutching a glass of something sparkling, annoyed at his wife’s public display of annoyance.

 

‘Look!’ she pointed.

 

‘What?’ he shrugged.

 

‘The salmon!’

 

His face changed to one of concern as he stepped closer to the table. ‘Oh dear,’ he said, ‘looks like somebody didn’t shut the door properly.’

 

‘I pushed Moment out of the catflap at breakfast. The last I saw of him, he was on top of Uncle Robert’s BMW.’

 

‘Well you should know to lock the catflap on an occasion like this when you need Moment to be out of the way.’

 

Carol flushed with anger, ‘It’s not my fault, Harry! I’ve done absolutely everything to prepare for this day, and what have you done?’

 

Harry held up his hands to calm the situation down. ‘It’ll be alright, Carol. Look,’ he said as he leant over the fish and using his fingers, he clumsily pushed it back together, closing the gap, then licking his fingers and returning to neaten it up a bit.’

 

‘Stop touching it,’ said Carol, slapping the back of his hand, ’it looks bloody awful!’

 

‘No it doesn’t. It just looks like a shorter type of salmon with a kink in its waist. Perhaps it had an accident at the fish farm.’

 

‘It’s not from the fish farm, it’s wild salmon!’

 

‘Then it got injured swimming upstream to spawn. Wow, wild salmon, that must have cost a fortune!’

 

Carol sat down on a chair and sighed heavily, ‘What am I going to do?’

 

‘Garnish, it just needs some garnish in the middle. I’ll go to the kitchen and get some mistletoe or something.’

 

‘Mistletoe, no not mistletoe?’

 

‘Or holly or parsley or whatever I can find. Nobody will ever know.’

 

‘But there’s not enough to go around now and what about the table cloth? I can’t change it, it’s my best one, for Christmas day!’

 

‘I’ll sit there, by the greasy stain, don’t worry.’

 

‘You’ll have to put your elbows on the table to cover it.’

 

‘I can’t do that, not with my mother here..’ 

 

‘Oh, by the way, your mother’s just told me she’s allergic to hazelnuts so can’t eat the dessert I spent all last night making.’

 

‘Allergic to hazelnuts? First I’ve heard of it. Nevermind, we can microwave the Christmas pudding for her.’

 

‘What Christmas pudding?’

 

‘The Asda one we had leftover from last year. It's best before March 2068, I checked. I’ll just go and get that garnish, be back in a minute.’

 

‘If you see that wretched cat, tell it, I’ll be taking it on a long drive later.’

 

Carol watched her husband leave the room, then sat with her head in her hands, crying quietly before knocking back the rest of the drink that her husband had been holding. 

 

Moment quickly finished off the last flakes of salmon from his hiding place under the sideboard then sloped away, up the stairs to Blake’s bedroom where he flattened himself and crawled under the bed, deep under the bed, behind the boxes of Lego and discarded board games where there was a hot loop in the underfloor heating. A food coma quickly overcame him and he was unconscious within a few seconds.

 

Meanwhile, Harry had stopped off in the kitchen to give Totem a little snuggle. He noticed a faint smell of fish coming from the cat’s fur. It puzzled him, can’t be, he thought, then grabbed a few rocket leaves and a couple of grapes from the fridge, crossed the hall and returned to the dining room where he pushed them into the surface of the salmon, near the gap.

 

‘You know, there was a bit of a whiff about Totem back in the kitchen. I wouldn’t be too quick to blame the usual suspect if I was you.’

 

‘No way, Totem hasn’t left the kitchen. It’ll be the other one, there’s something of the devil about him. You know, we could gift Moment to your mother...for Christmas, she tries to guilt trip us about being lonely often enough. Problem solved.’

 

‘She’s allergic to cats, anyway I’ve already got her a dressing gown and a box of Ferrero Rocher.’

 

‘Ferrero Rocher, really?’

 

‘Yes, they’re her favourite.’

 

Carol pictured a planet floating in the sky, one with no oxygen, made out of a thin sphere of wafer, covered in crisp chocolate with little nutty bits stuck on, inside the plant, in its core was a whole hazelnut floating in a hot tub of Nutella. She was confused and about to question it but thought better of it. Maybe his mother deserves to die on that planet, she thought.

 

Meanwhile up in Blake’s bedroom, Moment was in such a deep sleep that he had begun to snore faintly. The rhythmic sound was too quiet for most adults to hear but Blake had gone upstairs to seek refuge from his relatives and as he relaxed on his bed, he immediately became aware of the presence of his feline friend.

 

And they were great friends, kindred spirits in fact. Blake was always being accused of being the naughty one, bombastic and out of control. He wasn’t really, he was simply less bogged down by the thought of consequences.

 

He put his hand down the side of the bed until he touched Moment’s soft fur and the little cat began to purr.

 

‘Hey, Moment,’ he said, ‘you’ll never guess, Uncle Robert had just given me the game, Doom Eternal as a Christmas present. Look!’ He pulled the game out from inside his jumper and waved it around.

 

Moment was too tired to open his eyes properly but he acknowledged the gesture with a little grunt.

 

‘The thing is, Mum will hit the roof if she sees it so I’m going to give it to you to look after.’

 

He tucked the game under the bed, just next to the sleeping cat and it was just in time too because his mother had sent him a text asking him to come to the kitchen to make a salad.

 

He sighed. ‘You don’t have salad on Christmas day,’ he quickly typed.

 

‘Something’s changed and there’s not enough food for the starter.’

 

‘No-one does though..’

 

 

‘Blake, just come down to the kitchen. Now!’