Julian asks about Tommy Atkins

So, it’s ten to eight on a beautiful sunny morning. Just given the little treasure his Weetabix, he’s already had two mouthfuls and no questions yet, maybe he’s getting a bit older and a bit more settled. He’ll be eight in a few months, have to think about what we’ll do for his party.

“Mum?”

“Yes darling”

“Can Tommy Atkins come over for tea tonight?”

Oh god not him anyone but that little sod. I hate that kid with a passion!

“Err not tonight darling, another night maybe”

“What night, tomorrow?”

“Not tomorrow darling, next week for sure”

“What day?”

“What?”

“What day next week?”

Oh damn I need to make something up fast.

“Thinking about it, next week may not be good either, Dad’s going to paint the kitchen next week and everywhere will be in a mess, so once he’s finished then we’ll be able to invite Tommy over!”

Surprised myself there, good answer, he’ll forget about it in a couple of days.

“What colour?”

“What was that darling?”

“What colour is daddy going to paint the kitchen?”

“Yellow”

Shit where did that come from?

“Yellow? A yellow kitchen?”

“Yes darling, everyone has yellow kitchens these days”

“Who has?”

Bloody hell got myself into a bit of a corner here; need to come up with something fast.

“Well you know Auntie Doreen who we haven’t seen for a while, well she’s just had her kitchen painted yellow and it looks lovely”

Brilliant!

“How do you know it looks lovely, we haven’t seen Aunty Doreen for ages?”

Shit!

“She sent me some photos the other day and it looks really lovely”

One to me I think!

“Can I see the photos?”

“Sorry darling I think I must have lost them off of my phone somehow, you know I’m not very good with these mobile phone things”

Two nil, I think i'm going to win this morning!

“Who else then?”

“Who else what darling?”

“Who else has got a yellow kitchen; you said that everyone has a yellow kitchen these days”

“Oh erm, Mrs Elliot in the sweetshop, she’s got a yellow kitchen as well!”

“Mrs Elliot in the sweetshop? How do you know that?”

“I went in the shop the other day to get some sweets for you and she invited me to have a look at her new kitchen”

I think I may be digging myself into a deep hole here!

“Doesn’t Mrs Elliot live above the shop?”

“Yes dear”

“So you must have gone through the shop and up her stairs then?”

“Yes dear”

“How did Mrs Elliot get up the stairs?”

“Why darling?”

“Well Mrs Elliot in the sweetshop is very very old and walks with a stick, she must have taken ages to get up her stairs”

Easy one.

“That’s right darling, she is very old, Mummy helped her get up the stairs she has to walk very slowly”

“So who looked after the shop then?”

“When?”

“When you and Mrs Elliot were gone a long time looking at her yellow kitchen”

“She shut the shop for a little while!”

“But what about all those people trying to buy sweets and papers, did she turn them all away, every time we’ve been into Mrs Elliot’s sweetshop there’s always a big queue!”

Shit, shit, shit!

“Look I’ll tell you what, we will have Tommy over for tea tonight, now eat your breakfast or you’ll be late for school!”