The Road to Hell (Poetry Monthly)

Cherry

By luigi_pagano

Tue, 04 Aug 2015
  • 1759 reads
6 comments
 

If Dante had been born

a few centuries later

and gone to Vienna,

his footsteps would have led him

to Berggasse 19

where the good doctor

would have sorted him out.

 

All problems are linked to libido,

Sigmund Freud would have said.

“Let’s explore your dream,

it is easily explained.

You find yourself in a tenebrous place

having totally lost your way.

 

You have carried the torch

for  Beatrice Portinari;

you have been wanting to bed her

since she was twelve.

The dark mass that you’re in

is the fur of her ‘mons veneris’.

 

You are ashamed of your sin

so you say that you’ve gone astray.

The memory haunts you

and  you roam the Florentine streets

in the hope of catching a glimpse

as  you embark on the road to Hell.

 

Did she ever hint that she might

accede to your amorous advances?

Isn’t ‘ yes’ the answer you hanker for?

What a blow then to hear that her father

has arranged for her to be married

to a young and prosperous banker."

 

© Luigi Pagano 2015

Certificate 15
Poem
Mutevoli pensieri
Surreal

Comments

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Critique, please.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

What a brilliant dramatic monologue.  So convincing and compelling.

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Delighted by your accolade, Helen and by the Cherry award. Thanks to everybody.

Luigi smiley

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

 

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

The dark mass that you’re in

is the fur of her ‘mons veneris’.

Made me blush. This is a brilliant interpretation with a witty touch, Luigi. It's light and enjoyable with a good spin on historical story. It flows and the rhyme works incredibly well. I wouldnt use 'dark' twice in the poem - substitute one for another word  for variation perhaps reconsider 'strayed from the path' as it's a cliche. 'fallen' 'roamed' 'wandered' 'stumbled' - some may have too many syllables. Will leave it with you. Just my thoughts.Hope to see you Sat.

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Blame Sigmund for your blushes, Ray. That's how he would have interpreted the "selva oscura", I believe.
My grateful thanks for the useful suggestions. I made a couple of amendments to the texts you highlighted. I didn't realise having used 'dark' twice and I was sloppy in not having noticed it before, so thank goodness for your keen eyesight. I was about to say 'eagle eye' when I asked myself "Is this another cliché?" and decided it was. It is difficult to avoid them because if a phrase is repeated often enough it becomes a cliché.

Luigi x