I Called My Son Samuel 5
By mallisle
Mon, 26 Nov 2018
- 207 reads
The Christians had gone to Gary's house one Sunday night for the Bible study group. Gary was sitting in the armchair in his living room drinking a cup of coffee.
"This is a nice house," said Matthew. "You should sell it and give the money to the church." Gary nearly choked on his coffee.
"You're not allowed to have money," said Gary. "You have to give it to Pastor Boris. I just hope that he doesn't love money. Crikey, he's got a lot of it. What about that great big car that he drives?"
"Who's leading the Bible study tonight?" asked Hilary.
"I am," said Matthew.
"What's the subject?" asked Stanley.
"The same as it was last week," said Matthew. "The love of money is the root of all evil."
"They said that love of money is the root of all evil, they didn't say that money is the root of all evil," said Gary.
"It just depends how much you have of it," said Hilary.
"How much money does Pastor Boris have? Is he any different?"
"But he's allowed to have money," said Stanley.
"Why?"
"He dedicates it to the Lord's service."
"How is that?" asked Gary, laughing.
"He told me that he needed a new car so it wouldn't break down, he needed a big car so he could deliver the sandwiches and cakes from the shops, and it had to be four wheel drive or it wouldn't get there in winter."
"Stanley, everything in this house is dedicated to God. I might have a hi-fi but I listen to Christian music on it. I might have a big television but I watch the God channel and I watch nature programmes in high resolution, admiring God's creation."
"Whatever you spend your money on you've always got some excuse," said Matthew as he opened a big old fashioned looking Bible and began to read. "1 Timothy chapter 6. But godliness is great gain, if a man be content with what he hath. For we brought nothing into the world, and it is certain, that we can carry nothing out. Therefore, when we have food and raiment, let us therewith be content. For they that will be rich, fall into temptation and snares, and into many foolish and noisome lusts, which drown men in perdition and destruction. For the desire of money is the root of all evil, which while some lusted after they erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."
"So I have to give all my money to you?" asked Gary.
"We're setting you free from temptation," said Stanley.
"Stanley, I'm not interested in money at all. I don't desire money."
"You're ambitious."
"No I'm not. I was a Systems Analyst when I left university. That's what I do now. Why do I do it? I'm good at it and I think it's important. That's the advice I'd give to any Christian. Find something you're good at and do it. Money is not the motivation." Matthew turned to another part of the Bible and began reading it.
"Luke chapter 12. Sell that ye have and give alms."
"That means sell what you have and give the money to the poor, not give it all to the rich Pastor Boris and his big farm."
"Sell that ye have and give alms: make you bags which wax not old: a treasure that can never fail in Heaven where no thief cometh neither moth corrupteth."
"I was going to have a big extension built on this house so that the young people in the church could come and have a meeting there," said Gary.
"Oh, any excuse for being rich," said Matthew.
"Give the money to Pastor Boris and he'll have a huge extension built on the farm," said Stanley.
"That means that you love money."
"No we don't," said Matthew.
"The Bible says the desire of money is the root of all evil. You desire money."
"For the Lord's work."
"For any reason. It's still wrong to desire money. You're not content with what you have. You want to have a bigger farm and Pastor Boris wants to have an even bigger fleet of SUVs."
"So that he can have more and more drivers delivering more and more sandwiches and cakes from more and more shops."
"So that you can have more and more food at your meetings and get more and more overweight. You love money."
"But we're allowed to," said Stanley. "We're building God's kingdom."
"This is a nice house," said Matthew. "You should sell it and give the money to the church." Gary nearly choked on his coffee.
"You're not allowed to have money," said Gary. "You have to give it to Pastor Boris. I just hope that he doesn't love money. Crikey, he's got a lot of it. What about that great big car that he drives?"
"Who's leading the Bible study tonight?" asked Hilary.
"I am," said Matthew.
"What's the subject?" asked Stanley.
"The same as it was last week," said Matthew. "The love of money is the root of all evil."
"They said that love of money is the root of all evil, they didn't say that money is the root of all evil," said Gary.
"It just depends how much you have of it," said Hilary.
"How much money does Pastor Boris have? Is he any different?"
"But he's allowed to have money," said Stanley.
"Why?"
"He dedicates it to the Lord's service."
"How is that?" asked Gary, laughing.
"He told me that he needed a new car so it wouldn't break down, he needed a big car so he could deliver the sandwiches and cakes from the shops, and it had to be four wheel drive or it wouldn't get there in winter."
"Stanley, everything in this house is dedicated to God. I might have a hi-fi but I listen to Christian music on it. I might have a big television but I watch the God channel and I watch nature programmes in high resolution, admiring God's creation."
"Whatever you spend your money on you've always got some excuse," said Matthew as he opened a big old fashioned looking Bible and began to read. "1 Timothy chapter 6. But godliness is great gain, if a man be content with what he hath. For we brought nothing into the world, and it is certain, that we can carry nothing out. Therefore, when we have food and raiment, let us therewith be content. For they that will be rich, fall into temptation and snares, and into many foolish and noisome lusts, which drown men in perdition and destruction. For the desire of money is the root of all evil, which while some lusted after they erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."
"So I have to give all my money to you?" asked Gary.
"We're setting you free from temptation," said Stanley.
"Stanley, I'm not interested in money at all. I don't desire money."
"You're ambitious."
"No I'm not. I was a Systems Analyst when I left university. That's what I do now. Why do I do it? I'm good at it and I think it's important. That's the advice I'd give to any Christian. Find something you're good at and do it. Money is not the motivation." Matthew turned to another part of the Bible and began reading it.
"Luke chapter 12. Sell that ye have and give alms."
"That means sell what you have and give the money to the poor, not give it all to the rich Pastor Boris and his big farm."
"Sell that ye have and give alms: make you bags which wax not old: a treasure that can never fail in Heaven where no thief cometh neither moth corrupteth."
"I was going to have a big extension built on this house so that the young people in the church could come and have a meeting there," said Gary.
"Oh, any excuse for being rich," said Matthew.
"Give the money to Pastor Boris and he'll have a huge extension built on the farm," said Stanley.
"That means that you love money."
"No we don't," said Matthew.
"The Bible says the desire of money is the root of all evil. You desire money."
"For the Lord's work."
"For any reason. It's still wrong to desire money. You're not content with what you have. You want to have a bigger farm and Pastor Boris wants to have an even bigger fleet of SUVs."
"So that he can have more and more drivers delivering more and more sandwiches and cakes from more and more shops."
"So that you can have more and more food at your meetings and get more and more overweight. You love money."
"But we're allowed to," said Stanley. "We're building God's kingdom."
Peter arrived home from work. He slowed his car right down and backed up to reverse into his drive. What was that For Sale sign that had appeared in the garden? He ran into the house.
"Darling, there's a For Sale sign in the garden."
"Pastor Boris phoned the estate agent," said Suzie. "He told me you wanted to sell the house."
"I told him I was thinking about selling it. I was thinking about moving into community. I didn't say that he could sell the house." Peter drove straight to the farm. Pastor Boris was sitting in his office looking at a ministry website.
"Oh, hello Peter. I was just preparing one of my sermons. What brings you here?"
"There's a For Sale sign in my garden."
"So there is."
"I told you I was thinking about moving into community. I didn't say I was definitely going to do it."
"Peter, your exact words were that you were seeking the Lord's will as to whether you should move into community."
"I did say something to that effect. That I was seeking the Lord's will on the matter. If it was the Lord's will, I would sell the house and move into community."
"Oh but Peter, it is always the Lord's will that a Christian should live in community. I shouldn't think that God would give a different answer to that question for you than he gave to anyone else. Everybody should live in community. Haven't you read the book of Acts? We might make some exceptions. If you're married to someone who doesn't want to live in community because they're not a believer. I spoke to Suzie and she seemed quite happy about the idea."
"My wife has been considering living in community for some time. I believe that she would like to live in community. I did not ask you to put a For Sale sign up in our garden." Peter stormed out of the farm and drove back home. As he got out of the car, one of the neighbours came up to him.
"They're like Japanese knot weed, those things," said the neighbour. "Once one goes up, they go up everywhere."
"Sorry, what do you mean?"
"The For Sale signs on this estate. They're spreading all over the village. They take one of them down, it comes back again. You think you've got rid of it but you haven't. Why does everybody want to live with Pastor Boris on his farm?"
"We don't all want to live with Pastor Boris on his farm. I think that's just where people end up. You can't say no to Pastor Boris."
"Darling, there's a For Sale sign in the garden."
"Pastor Boris phoned the estate agent," said Suzie. "He told me you wanted to sell the house."
"I told him I was thinking about selling it. I was thinking about moving into community. I didn't say that he could sell the house." Peter drove straight to the farm. Pastor Boris was sitting in his office looking at a ministry website.
"Oh, hello Peter. I was just preparing one of my sermons. What brings you here?"
"There's a For Sale sign in my garden."
"So there is."
"I told you I was thinking about moving into community. I didn't say I was definitely going to do it."
"Peter, your exact words were that you were seeking the Lord's will as to whether you should move into community."
"I did say something to that effect. That I was seeking the Lord's will on the matter. If it was the Lord's will, I would sell the house and move into community."
"Oh but Peter, it is always the Lord's will that a Christian should live in community. I shouldn't think that God would give a different answer to that question for you than he gave to anyone else. Everybody should live in community. Haven't you read the book of Acts? We might make some exceptions. If you're married to someone who doesn't want to live in community because they're not a believer. I spoke to Suzie and she seemed quite happy about the idea."
"My wife has been considering living in community for some time. I believe that she would like to live in community. I did not ask you to put a For Sale sign up in our garden." Peter stormed out of the farm and drove back home. As he got out of the car, one of the neighbours came up to him.
"They're like Japanese knot weed, those things," said the neighbour. "Once one goes up, they go up everywhere."
"Sorry, what do you mean?"
"The For Sale signs on this estate. They're spreading all over the village. They take one of them down, it comes back again. You think you've got rid of it but you haven't. Why does everybody want to live with Pastor Boris on his farm?"
"We don't all want to live with Pastor Boris on his farm. I think that's just where people end up. You can't say no to Pastor Boris."
Pastor Boris was leading the Wednesday night Love Feast in the big lounge at the farm.
"It's 100 years since the communist revolution in 1917," he said. "Would the Russian communists have succeeded if they had embraced Christianity?"
"Succeeded in what?" asked Matthew.
"Succeeded in creating a socialist world," said Magnus, a great big contended smile on his face. "The creation of a society in this world that is just and fair. If only they had embraced Christianity instead of seeing it as the cause of all the world's problems."
"Fidel Castro did much better," said Stanley. "He thought Jesus was the first communist."
"In a manner of speaking, Fidel Castro was right," said Magnus, still beaming. "Jesus was the first communist, amongst other things."
"Amongst other things like the Saviour of the world and the redeemer of all mankind," said Valerie.
"But Jesus was still the first communist," said Magnus.
"We are real Christians and we will be the real communists," said Pastor Boris.
"Well, even if we were, it wouldn't stop most Christians in this country voting Conservative," said Matthew.
"We must be an example for them to follow," said Pastor Boris. "You're not just living a life of simplicity, you're setting an example for other Christians to follow."
"What if they don't want to follow it?"
"They will want to follow it," said Pastor Boris. "How many Christians are there in this country? One million members of the Evangelical Alliance? Eight million people who have made some sort of commitment to Christ? They will soon realise how empty, powerless and useless their churches are. They will want to be with us. They will want to embrace our lifestyle. Millions of people will live in community."
"It's 100 years since the communist revolution in 1917," he said. "Would the Russian communists have succeeded if they had embraced Christianity?"
"Succeeded in what?" asked Matthew.
"Succeeded in creating a socialist world," said Magnus, a great big contended smile on his face. "The creation of a society in this world that is just and fair. If only they had embraced Christianity instead of seeing it as the cause of all the world's problems."
"Fidel Castro did much better," said Stanley. "He thought Jesus was the first communist."
"In a manner of speaking, Fidel Castro was right," said Magnus, still beaming. "Jesus was the first communist, amongst other things."
"Amongst other things like the Saviour of the world and the redeemer of all mankind," said Valerie.
"But Jesus was still the first communist," said Magnus.
"We are real Christians and we will be the real communists," said Pastor Boris.
"Well, even if we were, it wouldn't stop most Christians in this country voting Conservative," said Matthew.
"We must be an example for them to follow," said Pastor Boris. "You're not just living a life of simplicity, you're setting an example for other Christians to follow."
"What if they don't want to follow it?"
"They will want to follow it," said Pastor Boris. "How many Christians are there in this country? One million members of the Evangelical Alliance? Eight million people who have made some sort of commitment to Christ? They will soon realise how empty, powerless and useless their churches are. They will want to be with us. They will want to embrace our lifestyle. Millions of people will live in community."
Pastor Boris stood in front of the church on Sunday morning holding a quarter of a loaf of sliced bread.
"We must live a life of simplicity," he said. "Love of money is the root of all evil. The first Communists lived on 200 grams of bread a day. This is what 200 grams of bread looks like."
"That's starvation," somebody shouted.
"No it's not. You can have other things with the bread. I have brought a shopping bag showing you all the wonderful foods I would like you to eat with this bread. Eggs, so you can have boiled eggs with your toast. Pilchards. I like pilchards. They're a poor man's tuna. Excellent on toast or in a sandwich. A tin of mushy peas makes an excellent soup. Just add a cup of water. A tin of baked beans for 25p. Who cares what they taste like? You need iron. You need protein. A cheap tub of soft margarine for 50p. To be used sparingly. Please use this margarine only for things that really need margarine, like when you're having dry toast with boiled eggs. The Americans wouldn't use it on a sandwich. Neither would I have margarine with beans on toast." Pastor Boris took off one of his shoes. There was a hole in the top of one of his socks. "As a further lesson in simplicity, look at my sock. I noticed this morning that it had a hole in it that made walking very uncomfortable. So I put it on upside down. Socks last twice as long if you wear them upside down. If everybody in the world lived like this, the world would be a better place. It is because of man's greed that there is so much suffering in the world." Some people started laughing. "Do not laugh, do not laugh! God's wrath will rise."
"You don't know how many snakes there are in the grass outside," shouted Matthew.
"I was being serious."
"So was I. You're about to eat sausage soup. You don't know how long the sausages have been in the fridge."
"You will be struck down by the worst case of food poisoning this country has ever seen. You are like the people who rebelled against Moses in the desert. Be careful what you think about your leaders. The ground might open up and swallow you."
"Pastor Boris," shouted Maria. "When you come home with the car full of sausage rolls, pasties and cakes which the shop has thrown out at the end of the day, are we allowed to eat them?" There were roars of laughter.
"Be quiet, be quiet, before the church catches fire, consumed by a terrible fire that will destroy the enemies of God. As for the question of cakes, pasties and sausage rolls, I would like you to continue to eat them for the time being. I am angry about the amount of food that is thrown away. In future, this church shall find a way of giving this food to the homeless."
"We must live a life of simplicity," he said. "Love of money is the root of all evil. The first Communists lived on 200 grams of bread a day. This is what 200 grams of bread looks like."
"That's starvation," somebody shouted.
"No it's not. You can have other things with the bread. I have brought a shopping bag showing you all the wonderful foods I would like you to eat with this bread. Eggs, so you can have boiled eggs with your toast. Pilchards. I like pilchards. They're a poor man's tuna. Excellent on toast or in a sandwich. A tin of mushy peas makes an excellent soup. Just add a cup of water. A tin of baked beans for 25p. Who cares what they taste like? You need iron. You need protein. A cheap tub of soft margarine for 50p. To be used sparingly. Please use this margarine only for things that really need margarine, like when you're having dry toast with boiled eggs. The Americans wouldn't use it on a sandwich. Neither would I have margarine with beans on toast." Pastor Boris took off one of his shoes. There was a hole in the top of one of his socks. "As a further lesson in simplicity, look at my sock. I noticed this morning that it had a hole in it that made walking very uncomfortable. So I put it on upside down. Socks last twice as long if you wear them upside down. If everybody in the world lived like this, the world would be a better place. It is because of man's greed that there is so much suffering in the world." Some people started laughing. "Do not laugh, do not laugh! God's wrath will rise."
"You don't know how many snakes there are in the grass outside," shouted Matthew.
"I was being serious."
"So was I. You're about to eat sausage soup. You don't know how long the sausages have been in the fridge."
"You will be struck down by the worst case of food poisoning this country has ever seen. You are like the people who rebelled against Moses in the desert. Be careful what you think about your leaders. The ground might open up and swallow you."
"Pastor Boris," shouted Maria. "When you come home with the car full of sausage rolls, pasties and cakes which the shop has thrown out at the end of the day, are we allowed to eat them?" There were roars of laughter.
"Be quiet, be quiet, before the church catches fire, consumed by a terrible fire that will destroy the enemies of God. As for the question of cakes, pasties and sausage rolls, I would like you to continue to eat them for the time being. I am angry about the amount of food that is thrown away. In future, this church shall find a way of giving this food to the homeless."
That Sunday night everybody came to Angie's office to get their pocket money. She sat behind a big old fashioned looking computer with a tray full of money on her desk and a shoe box full of receipts and bills.
"I spent £3.50 on a tram," said Matthew, holding a tram ticket.
"I thought you walked everywhere."
"I usually do, Angie, but I got lost on my Saturday morning walk. I came to a tram stop and the right tram had just arrived. I caught it home."
"You should have followed the tram lines. If you see a tram at the stop which is going to the right place, you walk along next to the tram lines for two hours and then you arrive where you want to be. One hardly needs to buy a tram ticket." Stanley handed Angie a receipt.
"£6? What's this for?"
"I bought some new socks."
"Why?"
"My old ones had holes in them."
"Couldn't you wear them upside down?" Maria handed Angie a receipt from a coffee shop.
"I wanted a cup of coffee -"
"- Don't even bother trying to explain."
"With my friend. We talked about Jesus."
"Well, invite your friend back to the farm and make her a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Then we can all join in the conversation."
"Can I have £30 for a new pair of shoes?" asked Bob.
"I need to examine your old ones."
"You're looking at them."
"They look perfectly all right to me."
"They leak water when I'm out in the hills walking on the moors on a wet day."
"Don't go there, then. Just walk down the street like everybody else does."
"With no money for tram tickets and bus tickets, I should get plenty of practice." Simon came with a receipt.
"£3. What's this for?"
"I bought some second hand books from the library. A whole big bag of them for £3. What a bargain."
"Simon, can I explain about the relationship this church has with public libraries? You go to the library to tie up the strong man and plunder the world of its goods. You borrow the books because they're free. You do not borrow CDs or videos because they cost money. You do not stop for lunch in the cafeteria or to buy some second hand books because you would have to pay."
"You mean I have to rip them off?"
"Exactly."
"I spent £3.50 on a tram," said Matthew, holding a tram ticket.
"I thought you walked everywhere."
"I usually do, Angie, but I got lost on my Saturday morning walk. I came to a tram stop and the right tram had just arrived. I caught it home."
"You should have followed the tram lines. If you see a tram at the stop which is going to the right place, you walk along next to the tram lines for two hours and then you arrive where you want to be. One hardly needs to buy a tram ticket." Stanley handed Angie a receipt.
"£6? What's this for?"
"I bought some new socks."
"Why?"
"My old ones had holes in them."
"Couldn't you wear them upside down?" Maria handed Angie a receipt from a coffee shop.
"I wanted a cup of coffee -"
"- Don't even bother trying to explain."
"With my friend. We talked about Jesus."
"Well, invite your friend back to the farm and make her a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Then we can all join in the conversation."
"Can I have £30 for a new pair of shoes?" asked Bob.
"I need to examine your old ones."
"You're looking at them."
"They look perfectly all right to me."
"They leak water when I'm out in the hills walking on the moors on a wet day."
"Don't go there, then. Just walk down the street like everybody else does."
"With no money for tram tickets and bus tickets, I should get plenty of practice." Simon came with a receipt.
"£3. What's this for?"
"I bought some second hand books from the library. A whole big bag of them for £3. What a bargain."
"Simon, can I explain about the relationship this church has with public libraries? You go to the library to tie up the strong man and plunder the world of its goods. You borrow the books because they're free. You do not borrow CDs or videos because they cost money. You do not stop for lunch in the cafeteria or to buy some second hand books because you would have to pay."
"You mean I have to rip them off?"
"Exactly."
- Log in to post comments