An Apology On Behalf Of My Agent

Thank you for your appearance at this press conference.

Yesterday I was contacted by my agent to say that my comments on Twitter, over the weekend, had caused tremendous upset all over the known world.

So today I just want to make an official apology.

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my incredibly insensitive remarks about the biological aspects of gender; to have the audacity to state that men can’t have periods was not only unforgivably insensitive, it actually flies in the face of emotional certainty.

Secondly, I want to apologise for suggesting that Winston Churchill was not a White Supremacist and doesn’t deserve his statues being pulled down; I hadn’t recently read the latest non-revisionist histories written by our finest Critical Theorists.

And thirdly, and this is where I have felt the greatest shame, as it has apparently caused the most emotional anguish to those SJWs who’ve fought the hardest to defend our most pressing diversity issues; I apologise for misgendering Sam Smith, he most definitely is Non Binary; the fact that I don’t actually know what that means, does in no way exonerate me.

Finally,

I intend, from next week, to attend a course run by Robin D’Angelo on White Fragility, my agent informs me that instead of just paying the £20,000 course fees, we will be also donating £10,000  to the Charity, Be Fat Be Healthy.

Thank you;

 No I will not be taking questions.