I'm not cool enough to be in your band

A man with Kate Moss cheekbones
told me to leave Top Shop
and not come back.
The only time I went to Shoreditch
I got a nosebleed.
In newsagents
fashion magazines fling off the shelves
so they don't have to be touched by me.
The landlord of our local spread his arms out wide
and said "sorry,
you have to be 'this cool'
to drink in here."
So I'm going to do a gram of drum and bass
and stop texting people on their birthdays.