Quinn and the first day at work

“This is your desk, Quinn,” said Millie from HR. “You’re next to Tim. Don’t eat bananas around Tim, as he’s highly allergic, even peeling one in his vacinity could trigger a turn. The same goes for Vietnamese Star fruit, eating them I mean, obviously you don’t peel Vietnamese Star fruit.”

 
“Obviously not,” said Quinn. “I’ll try and be careful with bananas.”

 
“We do offer a training course on banana-awareness, if you’d like me to put you down for the next session.”

 
“Er yes, please do. What about Vietnamese Star fruit training?”

 
“We don’t offer that here Quinn. Now, I’ve got some paperwork for you, this is our welcome pack, our welcome pack survey, and our welcome pack survey questionnaire. IT will be here shortly to set you up on the network, in the meantime if you could complete our online questionnaire. I’ll add your answers on my tablet as you’re not set up yet. How many chairs do you need?”

 
“One,” said Quinn.

 
“And do you think our organisation has too many sharks or not enough sharks?”

 
“How many sharks does the organisation have?” said Quinn.

 
“None,” said Millie.

 
“Then I think it has the right number,” said Quinn.

 
“That’s not one of the options Quinn. Don’t worry about accuracy, it’s not analysed, it’s just one of the tester questions we include for analytical purposes.”

 
“Well, I’m not going to say it’s too few, I don’t want to find a shark on my desk Monday morning, so I’ll say Too Many. Where is Tim, by the way, he hasn’t been here all day.”

 
“You’re right,” said Millie, “I’d better put out a call to all the banana emporiums and hospitals in the area, just in case. I’ll come back left to finish the questionnaire.”

 
As Millie left two minions approached Quinn’s desk.

 
“Are you Quinn?” said one.

 
“Yes,” said Quinn. “Are you IT?”

 
“No,” said the man, “We’re shark removals. I understand you have a problem.”