Red Bird – a Cardinal

By Richard L. Provencher

Wed, 24 Oct 2012

801 reads

4 comments

I low upon the evening’s chill
desperate to pause amidst
the wind of Autumn its behaviour still

I wish this day with its stillness new
can exhibit my life upon the trill

of my calling voice. Toit-toit.
I can surprise all with a raucous call
since a bird I am with much to share
pleasing to all in my vagabond stride

southern winds to northward shore
no better place to hide my soul.

Certificate U

Poem

POETRY - A Passage of Motion 3

Miscellaneous

Comments

Hi Richard, You ask for

Permalink Submitted by tcook on Wed, 2012-10-24 16:45

Hi Richard, You ask for comments on this one - I think it's great until the very end. 'Now home is where my feathers lay' - are you implying that the bird has died in the winter or that it has shed its feathers in order to make a nest? The line doesn't seem to go with the flow of the rest of the poem.

Hi Tony, actually I try to

Permalink Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on Thu, 2012-10-25 00:15

Hi Tony, actually I try to imply the Cardinal is in new territory, now in Nova Scotia, while its normal habitat is New England. A warmer climate is drawing them up here to Truro and area. How do these last two replacement lines shine? southern winds to northward shore no better place to hide my soul. Richard

Richard L. Provencher

Hi Richard, an enjoyable

Permalink Submitted by ItsSteveDave on Thu, 2012-10-25 09:53

Hi Richard, an enjoyable poem which says more than it's words. I would only change one small thing - I would remove 'and' from the third line - perhaps a semi-colon instead? Although just my subjective opinion! :)

Thank you, ISDave, for your

Permalink Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on Thu, 2012-10-25 11:19

Thank you, ISDave, for your kind suggestion, and comment---done. Richard