"Let's Start Again" (Lone Sock )
'Lets start again...at the beginning shall we, and stand up please?
'Interview recommenced 13.00 hours'
He said, with eyes glazing over as he looked down at me lying on the floor.
I nod an OK.
' So...you are in here today, to report a missing sock, is that correct'?
'For the record I will ask you that question again if you don't mind, so...you are reporting a missing sock, is that correct?'
His nicotine stained tongue lolled out in concentration as
the keyboard clicked loudly in response to one finger stabbing.
'Right then, some details please, now, when did your other sock go missing'?
'Three weeks ago!'
'Three weeks ago? Why did you leave it for so long before reporting this...?'
'I was embarrassed'
' Can I start from the very beginning'?
'OK, from the beginning, take you're time...I need to ensure that all the facts are logged correctly!'
'Well, it all happened three weeks ago...we came down here for one of those, you know, off- peak- week -end -break -holidays, the bargain ones and...'
'Excuse me, a moment please!' he interrupts.
The keyboard tips upside down and assorted crumbs and debris scatter over the desk.
Satisfied all is working he blew bits of burnt toast over the edge.
'Sorry...about that...carry on!' he said.
As black crumbs fell over me.
'Well, anyway, as I was saying we came down...'
'I got that...go on...?'
'Emm, right...it was a lovely morning, and we both decided to have a stroll along the beach.
Have an ice-cream, a coffee, you know, the usual things, just chilling out, relaxing...
Anyway, I decided to have a nap, the heat was...'
'Go on?' he said. puffing a stray dandruff laden hair in my direction.
'...making me sleepy, anyway, after I woke up I found myself abandoned.
...dumped, left on my own, no letter left, nothing...
There seemed to be no rhyme or reason for it.
No hint, no clue, about what's going to happen, complete surprise I can tell you...
...I mean it's the last thing you would expect ...
One minute like I said, you're part of a pair...then...
The next thing you know is that you wake up after a kip to find out you're on your own.
I mean, to sneak off like that, you know, while I was sleeping of all things was a bit...below the ankle so to speak.
'Could you slow up please...?' his keyboard struggling to catch up.
'...Like I was saying...when I look back to the beginning of our relationship we had been attached to each other for some time.
Socks are like that...as you know...going around in pairs.
We were the same colour.
A dark blue, nothing to flash or garish.
Middle of the road, perhaps a touch conservative you could say.
I would say classic, same texture, style, everything in fact, so its obvious you stay as a pair.
Well footed I thought, well...until three weeks ago.
I'm quite shy and sensitive.
Lambs wool as you can see.
Maybe I should have been more outgoing.
She would have liked that.
Extrovert, macho, like a large sports sock, bright stripes, thick ribbed, like a football sock, then again not, you can get kicked about if your not careful.
Anyway, perhaps I should have been a fluorescent ski sock.
Well, another no there, all those twists and turns and that, me with a dodgy ankle...
A golf sock....mmm.... another no there, but then I...
'...Excuse me please, could you just stick with the facts...? '
'Sorry...I was trying to give you some background...you did say I could make a statement...I need to explain to you how I feel about all this.
Making a statement like this is quite a deep emotional experience for me, I mean...'
The nod to continue hissed through pursed lips came grudgingly.
Losing out on his fag break for a missing sock enquiry and perhaps considering the possibility of a discrimination complaint being lodged, I thought.
'So...you are what you are, there is nothing you can do about it, manufactured to meet a need.
We filled a need.
We offered comfort, protection, warmth and all that, or at least I thought we did.
You know, that slow wearing down feeling that sort of, creeps up on you when you've been that close.
Taking each other for granted, an assumption that your other half is always going to be there.
Wash together, sharing all life's turns and tumbles, wear and tear etc etc.
Though if I'm honest, we were getting a bit down at heel, our dark blue was beginning to fade, a slow decline to beige, sad to say.
Having said that it was still a complete surprise to me that morning to find myself alone.
You hear about it all the time.
But it never crosses your mind that it could happen to you.
When I come to thing about about it, warmth would be the last thing on someone's mind, what with this heat wave.
Temperatures ninety plus , everybody sweating, complaining about how hot it is.
So when you think about it logically, who needs another sock in this weather anyway?
I could get through the Summer as a single sock.
'Keep to the facts please?'
It's not as if anyone would really notice that I am on my own.
Perhaps I might get lucky and find another match.
Another single sock, a lost sole like me looking to get paired up.
I quite fancy a nice piece of soft, luxury silk or cashmere.
Then again I have been a lambs wool for so long now I would be going out of my comfort zone.
One foot on the ground, if you pardon the pun.
Mind you, it's going to quite difficult, like I said...'
Flapping his hand urgently, he grimaced as an offensive odour filled the room.
'Interview stopped 14.00 hours for toilet break...
...Lets start again...at 14.15 hours...'