I used to hate getting the bus to work. Just the thought of having to stand at the bus stop in all types of weather Monday to Friday really depressed me. I got fed up looking at the same old faces day in and day out. The monotony of everyday life was beginning to get to me, everything just seemed so predictable. Although my fellow commuters were complete strangers, we got to know one another over time in our own sort of way. Through gritted teeth I forced myself to make small talk with them, or feign a smile at the girl who dressed so immaculately every morning. How was it possible to look that good every day? At my age I'd have to get up at the crack of dawn to look that good. I opted to have an extra half an hour in bed, going for the au natural can't be bothered look. Then there was the man who forced a knowing smile at me as he walked past the queue. Oh yes,we all stood in an orderly bloody queue like robots. Then one day something changed, that was the day you showed up. Almost overnight you appeared at our bus stop and I suddenly found myself setting my alarm just that little bit earlier. Well it would be criminal not to put a bit of face paint on, after all you were a bit of eye candy.
I noticed from the beginning how you discreetly blended in with the bus stop crowd. Having you to stare at really brightened up my mornings. You stood a fair distance from the rest of us, probably because you always had a cigarette in your mouth. There was a moody and disturbing presence about you, my God you were gorgeous. I guessed you were in your early twenties, making me a good ten years older than you. I admired your attempts at trying to look older, but I saw past the bravado. I noticed how you furtively looked at me as you walked past. I felt a strong connection between us, and I know you did too. For the first time in my life, I discovered what it was like to have sexual chemistry with someone.This mild flirtation continued for the next month or so as we made small talk and slowly got to know one another. I admit I was very attracted to you, and amazed that someone still found me attractive at my age.
Catching the bus to work seemed exciting again, the cloud of monotony hanging above my head was slowly diminishing. I got butterflies when I saw you cross over the road and head towards the bus stop. I felt like a teenager all over again, my heart raced as you walked towards me. I couldn’t
share my secret fascination about you with anyone else, no-one was aware of your existence. If my friends ever found out, they'd think I'd gone stark raving mad having a crush on a twenty-year old boy. The one person I was terrified of finding out was my boyfriend, it doesn’t bare thinking what he'd do if he knew. He was the jealous possessive type, a bit of a control freak. He treated me like a possession. I loved him, but I just wish he would give me some room to breathe. He suffocated me with his love, it was exhausting at times having to constantly reassure him. This infatuation, crush or whatever it was with you made me feel alive, for the first time in a long time I felt like I could breathe.
Almost as quickly as you came into my life, you quickly disappeared. I never saw you again. You stopped taking the bus in the mornings, you literally vanished into thin air. I even took the bus at a different time just in case you had changed your routine, but nothing. I felt crushed, an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me, life had yet again become predictable and boring. I tried to hide my feelings from those around me, especially my boyfriend, but my God it was difficult. I now know what I felt for you was lust, it's such a poweful emotion. You miss seeing that person, but yet as the same time deep down you know nothing of significance would ever come from it.
A couple of weeks later, I returned home from work to find the locks on my front door had been changed, with all my possessions stuffed into bin liners thrown in the garden. My attempts at getting any sort of response from my boyfriend proved futile, he was nowhere to be seen. I sat on the front step utterly perplexed and baffled as to what caused him to act in this way. I hadn't moved from that spot for at least three hours, I felt numb. It was getting dark, and everywhere seemed eerily silent. Suddenly I received a text message, it was from him. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.
Like a lamb to the slaughter, I had been set up. As I said, my boyfriend was the jealous and possessive type. That bastard wouldn’t allow me just a little fantasy. I felt like a complete an utter fool, he had succeeded in crushing my spirit and I was merely bait. His text message was curt and succinct, "now I have the proof I need to get rid of you, I knew you couldn't be trusted. That kid at the bus stop wasn't interested in a desperate cow like you, but he was worth every penny."