You'll never know what happened yesterday (IP)

Pain lanced through her head as she woke. Her temples throbbed with every vengeful heartbeat. The room dipped and heaved like an ailing tugboat as she lolled onto one side. Instantly regretting the move she sharply sat up. Risking a blurry look at the shoulder she saw a ragged gash that looked to have been sewn up by a limbless manatee.
Rocking to her feet she stumbled to the mirror. Dragging an eyelid down she fished for the dislodged snake eye contact lens. Her vision clearing she noticed another smaller laceration along her jawline. This had been smushed together with fishing wire.
Wobbling to the bathroom she raised the toilet lid to find three goldfish belly up in the bowl. As they were already dead she threw up on them anyway. She had no idea why her chunder was blue. She threw up again.
Pulling off her tie-dye top her sluggish mind realised her bra was missing. Her nipples were also radiating pain. Pierced? Both of them?
She half sat, half collapsed onto the bed. A grunt came from beneath the sheets.
"What the hell happened to me?
"With the amount you drank you'll never know what happened yesterday"