Growing Old Is Such A Bitch

It took me a long time to realize that half my life was like a dream and the other half relating to now would be reliving it in my mind with all the expectations of a bright tomorrow.

Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror I laughed out loud, shoulders bouncing up and down like they had a mind of their own, then pulling a ridiculously funny face knowing that to have a good giggle and smile even if things aren't so brilliant and health could be better would be the cheering up needed to start my day.

I manage to launch myself into the bathtub whereupon a wave of soapy, foamy bubbles swish around my feet and ankles. Finally sinking beneath and stretching out, my unshaven legs stare back at me, once those smooth dreamy limbs were fit for staring at as they flitted around on beaches, proud I was of my pins as they danced around in tights or stockings at the disco, but now they are becoming arthritic, old and weak like a once bendy branch of a tree becoming an aged limb that would crack if contorted in a certain way.

Yoga was all I craved at one point in my young life, turning my attention to those strange positions I would find myself participating in. Wrapping my legs around my head was easy even if I did look deformed, it felt good to be able to achieve this posture without any difficulty. Then there was the swan pose which would involve kneeling down, bending forward so that palms were firmly on the floor, then lifting knees which would come up and be pressed against the outside of elbows, oh what joy it was to think the skies the limit. Now I'm lucky if I can even get down on the floor, the last time I tried sinking down to meditate, I got stuck and had to crawl over to a chair using it as a lever to haul myself up.

Cleaning out the freezer is the hardest, why is it that everything including appliances appear to be at ground level, why can't they invent floating freezers and tumble driers, what a difference it would make. Perhaps those astronauts that float around in their space ships have got the right idea, gravity has certainly got a lot to answer for.

Anyway I've soaked in this bathtub long enough, so without further ado I'll twist over on to my front, then heave myself up onto my knees...you know I swear they once built baths for midgets. With a new day on its way I finally hoist myself out and towel down, though I often wonder why we dry ourselves when our skin is waterproof and would do the job perfectly well if left – but then it is understandably cold and Winter is so upon me.

Now the mirror is steamed up so I wipe it squeaky clean. As I open the window a gust of chilly wind blows through me. Brrr! Time to get dressed me thinks.

Goodbye yer all and thanks for listening to my rant.