How to die dramatically

By Steve

Fri, 03 Jan 2014
  • 647 reads
2 comments
 

One must constantly ponder one subject these days. That is, "How to Die Dramatically."

No one cares how you lived anymore. People assume that you lived or made a living or lived on welfare, probably had a few affairs, and then died of a disease.

BUT How you died is of paramount importance.

First, consider how many people you want to have around you when you die? Dying is a process, and takes a long, damned time. You must time everything well as to have your death have the maximum impact on the living. Certainly, you do not want the crying orgy of so many people who desperately want your demise as to have their part of your fortune.

CHOOSE carefully. Of course you want the dutiful daughter, always taking your advice, doing exactly what you wanted her to do like sending her kids to MIlitary School. Look upon her. Sweet Cordelia. She spoke in an ever-soft manner and never raised her voice, but now, she expects all of your fortune all by herself. Sweet Cordelia and her good manners, and her daughterly touch. Do you still want her on your deathbed as you pull your hair out trying to remember her name while spewing obscenities to the wind? You always loved Chinese food and now she has poisoned your Egg Foo Young and is gently closing her eyes along with yours so as to know when you will finally croak and let others live and let live. Do you still want her to handle the funeral prodecures?

Your mind has let go of logic and you just want to hump some hot teenage girl as to feel the heat of sexual power but your dick is as limp as an used condom. Life seems meaningless and you wonder why you wanted all that control anyway and Charles Bukowski is a genius. What do you do? You start screaming all sorts of mean things about your daughters and sons and can rarely remember their names or zipcodes.

 

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Comments

Submitted by finingnight on

I must say, when I first started reading I was rather excited, since I expected this to be full of wit and satire. The beginning was great, aside from a few technical issues, but it seemed that the idea was lost towards the end.

I could see this being the beginning of a story about an old man on his deathbed getting ready to tell the tale of his life. But the last paragraph was out of place to me, and I felt a bit disappointed at how this ended.

I think it needs work, but it could be a good start to an interesting story. :)

Submitted by Steve on

Thank you for your comment. I'm working on it.