Grumpy Old Man
Here are the things that annoy me: Caravans - on the road or on a caravan site. Butch dogs and their owners. Unsolicited telephone calls. Supermarkets - especially the meat counter. People who shout on mobile phones. Mobile phones. Technology that's rubbish. Techies who tell me that technology that's rubbish will improve my life. Techies I can't understand. Smug techies. Job's worths. People who say 'it's not my fault' when it usually is. People who won't talk. People who talk too much. People who are so cool they can't talk to you. Cool people. Bankers. All bankers, no exceptions. Extreme right wingers. Left wingers with no compassion and/or sense of humour. Buying the wrong stuff. Almost all shops. Being badly treated when you've paid a lot of money - on trains, at airports, at festivals and concerts, in posh shops. Wasting money. Wasting time. When Spurs play badly. When Arsenal play well. Shitty, snivelling, cheating, overpaid footballers. People who think taking the piss out of bald people is fair game. Girls who think they can sneer at you because they're pretty. They're not. Sheep in the snow. Unbridled geese. The colours orange and purple. People who barge into queues. People who accuse me of barging into queues. Simon Cowell. Manufactured pop music. Celebrities. Celebrity magazines. American golfers. The wives of American golfers. Anyone who claims that God has willed, assisted or influenced anything. Especially American golfers who do so. Most members of golf and tennis clubs. Climate change deniers. NIMBYs. Donald Trump and Alan Sugar. John Humphreys. BBC presenter Alice Beer. The One Show. Smelly people. Being patronised. Rubbish books that get published. Most of the London literati - especially Zadie Smith, Toby Young and Julie Birchill. Rupert Murdoch. Lying politicians - and their banker friends. Fussy eaters. Prosetylising vegans. Religions. The Daily Mail. People who moan but do nothing about it. Rude people. Aggressive people on the internet. Did I mention bankers? British people who shout louder in English when they want to be understood in a foreign country. British people who refuse to even try in a foreign language. British people who live in another country and don't learn the language. Organised travel. Airports. Being late. People who are late. Disappointment. I'm bad at disappointment. McDonalds. Most chain restaurants. Zionist Israel. US support for Zionist Israel. People who say Capitalism is the only way. Lager - except on very hot days. Rubbish design. Assembling Barbie houses. Assembling most things. DIY. Overheated department stores. Overheated hospitals. Urban foxes. Rogue badgers. Thieves. Muggers. The Pope. Any Pope. People who decry modern art. Blight on potatoes or tomatoes. Slush. Snow boarders within 100 metres of me. Disco music on beaches. Litter. Waste. Throwing food away. People who don't finish their meal or drink. Automated telephone answering services. Customer support desks that don't support customers. Banks. And bankers. James Last and His Orchestra. Aeroplane or cinema seats with no leg room. People on aeroplanes who insist on putting their seats back as if it's a God given right. Beds that squeak. Shoes that hurt. Grumpy people. Other bald people. And bankers.