Christ on a duck

You say you’re a Christian and that you don’t drink as you’re a Christian, but what would you do if Jesus popped round your house and turned your water into wine?

You say you’re a Christian, but where’s your beard? Have you forgotten Leviticus: "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” You shaved face betrays your shallow faith.

You say you’re a Christian, but instead of meek forgiveness I see resentful rants: ‘Kill the murdering abortionists’, ‘Bugger the evil gays’, ‘fuck the foul-mouthed and vulgar’.

You say you’re a Christian, but you ignore the inconvenient bits of the bible: You eat pork and shell-fish, your clothes are made of two different materials woven together, one of your teachers was female and you’ve got enough money to buy an entire fleet of fully-laden camels. Last week I even saw you sit on a chair recently vacated by a menstruating woman.

You say you’re a Christian, I say you’re a hypocrite.

As you’re a Christian you’re bound to be offended by my little rant. What can I say? Forgive me.