Falmouth Electrics

It was a carefully planned robbery.  A fake company was set up offshore, Universal Electronics, using fake names and an account with an extremely dubious online bank that didn’t require any ID to open. The fake company paid for a month’s lease of one of the many empty shops in Falmouth High Street, a sign was painted on the front of the store, ‘Falmouth Electrics’, and the store was fitted out to a very basic extent, with a minimum selection of electronic goods.   

“Tony, you run the shop, Stan and I will tunnel into the bank from the basement,” said Alvin, the mastermind behind the plan. 

“Why an electronics shop?” said Tony. “I know nothing about electronics.  What will I say to the customers.” 

“There won’t be any customers. Everyone buys their electronics online these days, nobody's going to bother going into a shop.  If we set up a carpet shop or whatever people would actually want to buy carpets, we don’t have the ability to sell carpets. Same with anything else, we’d actually have to provide a real-life service.  Electronics – we just watch everyone in the town pass by with a bemused look on their faces. We need a front facing store that nobody uses, too many customers increases the chances of us getting caught.” 

“But we have to have some stock.” 

“Yeah, I’ll get some bits and pieces on Amazon, or one of the local supermarkets for the kettles and toasters. But no point getting too much, we won’t sell it.” 

“What if customers want something we don’t have in stock?” 

“We order it from Amazon and charge a small mark-up.” 

“But if we charge a mark-up won’t they just buy it from Amazon instead.” 

“Even better. We don’t need their custom.” 

“But we don’t have to make a profit. We’ll make our money from robbing the bank. Why not just charge the same as Amazon, that way people will feel good about supporting a local business.” 

“Get it into your head Tony, we don’t actually want customers. We want people continuing to order their electrical goods online as if we didn’t exist. The shop is just a front. Scare them off with high prices. We don’t want to shell out money up front, if we had that sort of liquidity we wouldn’t be resorting to robbing a bank in the first place.” 

And so the store opened.  Tony sat nervously on the till, while downstairs in the basement the Stan and Morgan began the tunnel into the bank next door.   

An elderly woman entered the store. 

“Is this shop new?” she said. 

“Just opened today. You’re our first customer.” 

“Oh, I don’t think so.  I don’t intend to buy. I get my electrical goods online, it’s so much cheaper.  With shops you’re paying for the overheads.  But as I’m here, could you show me your laptops.” 

 

“These are the laptops here,” he pointed to the shelf with a three laptops.  

“And which do you recommend?” 

“I don’t. That’s not my role. I don’t really know a lot about laptops.” 

“That’s good. I stopped going into electrical stores as they kept pushing the products they made most profit on, none of them lasted more than a year.  My nephew recommended a Samsung.  Do you have one of those?” 

“I think so. Yes, this one here.  The Samsung Galaxy 4. Don’t ask me what it does though.” 

“You know, it’s so refreshing to have an assistant who doesn’t wow you with jargon and fancy talk.  I’d swear you know as little about computers as I do.” 

“That’s true. You just want a laptop you can turn on, click on the internet and get on with stuff.  You don’t want to need a degree in coding to make it work.” 

 

The woman laughed.   “You’re charming,” she said.  “I’ll take one.  I WILL be your first customer after all.” 

The store proved popular, not necessarily in terms of sales, but in terms of curiosity.  After all, who would open an electronics store in this day and age? In Falmouth of all places.  Even the local Mayor paid a visit, stating that he took an interest in all new businesses in the area, though Tony suspected he was just being nosy.   

And they didn’t just visit the store, many people actually purchased.  A typical exchange went as follows. 

“Is this shop new?” 

“Just opened today.” 

“You don’t have a lot of stock, do you?” 

“We have kettles, toasters, most of the standard electrical ware you’ll need.  Specialist electronics we can order in, but it doesn’t take long and it means we can meet your individual requirements.” 

The woman picked up one of the display kettles. 

“It’s quite an old fashioned kettle isn’t it.  Looks like something from the 70s.” 

“We’ve sold three today.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“I’m not a liar. Mrs Higgs, bought one.  That new couple in Flamingo Terrace bought another and the Mayor bought one for his office.” 

“The Mayor? He uses a kettle like this!” 

“I didn’t say that. I said he bought one. He came in for a photo opportunity – you can check on facebook if you don’t believe me. He said he likes to meet every new business.  He’s probably given it to his secretary, I’m sure he has his own super expensive high tech kettle paid for on expenses." 

The woman laughed, then called out to her husband. 

“Honey, we should get one of these kettles. The Mayor’s got one just like it.” 

“The Mayor’s got one like that? It’s like something from the 70s.” 

“And Mrs Higgs. And that new couple in Flamingo Terrace, it’s totally trending.  It must be the new retro look.”” 

“Do we even need a new kettle?” 

“Well, it’s always sensible to have a reserve, just in case. And if the Mayor’s got one. It’s be a conversation piece.” 

At the end of the day, Tony closed and locked the store.  He was shattered, he had been working constantly.  Who even knew that there were that many people in Falmouth. 

He went down to the basement to see how ‘the gang’ were still working tunnelling, though they’d barely reached a metre down. 

How’s progress on the tunnel?”  

“Slow.  It looks so simple in the Great Escape, but it’s backbreaking work. You’ve got the cushy job up there.  Bet you were just drinking tea all day. Did we have any customers?” 

“Loads. We’re going to have to get more stock. It’s been absolutely crazy up there.”  

“That’s a pain. I’ll drive to the big Sainsbury’s with the Argos for the kettles and the like. Everything else I’ll order on Amazon.  A big enough order will cover the cost of next day delivery. I hope you’ve got a full till though, as I’m maxed out.” 

“Oh, we’ve a very full till. Everyone paid the marked price.” 

“Must be because it’s the first day. The novelty of an in person store.” 

The gang duly made the trip to Argos, Sainsburys, topped up the order on Amazon, and replaced the goods on the shelves.  They also disposed of the rubble from the fledgling tunnel, though there wasn’t as much of that as they’d hoped. 

After these activities, and a break for dinner, Alvin did the accounts.  

“We’ve got money left,” he said surprised. “We’ve made a profit.” 

 

“That’s because we charge more than the goods cost us,” Tony said.  “Basic economics.” 

“I know, obviously, it just seems so unlikely. I mean, a crappy High Street electrical store. I can’t see it continuing tomorrow, though.  Must be a first day fluke. 

But it wasn’t a first day fluke, the customers kept coming, fed by talk of Tony’s ignorance of computers and the other tech on sale. In fact, the store became so successful that Alvin’s cousin Moira was brought in to help man the store.   

Younger, and more knowledgeable about tech, she was ideal for the minority of customers who wanted someone who knew what they were talking about. She was also good looking, which meant that many men made a beeline for her, and she was savvy enough to ensure that they all left her vicinity clutching unwanted toasters or food mixers.  “A spare toaster is always handy” was her catchphrase.  

A month passed, and the tunnel progressed slowly. However, against all expectation the shop was making a healthy profit, so Alvin extended the lease by a month.  With Moira’s technical knowledge they had expanded their range of products, and were even able to buy their best-selling items in bulk, increasing their profit margins. 

Another month passed, and trade picked up ahead of Christmas. They extended the lease again. Stan hurt his back.  “Bloody tunnel,” he said.  “I’m done with it.”  Thus saying he walked out, never to come return.  

“How far have you got?” Moira asked. 

“Not far,” Alvin confessed.  “It’ll take a year to finish on my own.  You’ll both have to take turns helping out.” 

“Or,” Moira said, in one of those voices used to taking charge, “or you could just abandon the stupid tunnel and help us out upstairs.  We’ve got pre-Christmas trade and it’s just silly.” 

“But the bank.” 

“The bank will still be there after Christmas, but if you want my opinion you were always wasting your time. They have security, motion-sensitive alarms, bomb-proof safes, I don’t know what you thought you’d gain.” 

“Then why did you agree to help out.” 

“Because I could see the store was making money.  All we need to do is to secure our own  

So we spend the rest of our days running an electrical goods store!” 

“No, we franchise.  Stores across the south west.  How many towns are there like Falmouth, it’ll be daylight robbery.” 

“Daylight robbery,” Alvin repeated.