The Gnome And His Neighbour

There once was a terrible, miserly, crotchety old gnome who lived in a little rickety shack deep in the woods.

And, one day, there was a knock at his door and, grumbling and growling, snorting and scowling;
he went to answer it.

“What is it!”, he yelled, his face furious and red as a beetroot, “I’m a busy gnome. I don’t have time for fools knocking on my door!”.

“Well…um…err?”, said the person who had knocked upon his door who, it turned out, was a very smartly dressed brown rabbit in a green waistcoat and red tie, “I’m your new neighbour. I just made a little rabbit burrow next door and…I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar?”.

“ Sugar? Sugar?!”, roared the miserly, curmudgeonly old gnome, “What do you think I am.. a charity!”.

But, just then, the wicked old gnome got a very mean and mischievous idea in his head.

“I know what I’ll do”, thought the gnome, grinning to himself, “Instead of sugar. I’ll give him a cup of salt. That ought to teach him a lesson”.

And so, the miserly old gnome went into his kitchen and poured out some salt; not too much, but just a little, into an old cracked teacup and gave that to the rabbit.

“There you are Mr Rabbit”, said the Gnome chuckling to himself, “Sweet sugar, just like you wanted”.

“Why, thank you”, said the rabbit, taking the cup of salt and hopping back to his burrow “You’re very kind”.

All seemed quiet after that and the miserable old gnome was sure that the rabbit wouldn’t be bothering him again anytime soon but, before long, there was another knock at his door.

“What?!”, growled the Gnome, “It better not be that stupid rabbit again or I’ll be giving him more than salt, I’ll be giving him assault…and battery”.

And, sure enough, when the grumpy old gnome answered the door again, it was the rabbit, smiling good naturedly.

“I’m very sorry to bother you again”, said the rabbit, “But I was wondering if you had any eggs that I could borrow?”.

“Eggs?!”, grumbled the Gnome, “Do I look like a chicken to you?”, and he was about to give the rabbit a knuckle sandwich and a piece of his mind instead, when he remembered some old, smelly, rotten eggs that were in a dusty corner of his kitchen cupboard.

“Hee! Hee!”, thought the Gnome, “I’ll give that rabbit some eggs, alright. I’ll give him eggs that’ll turn him green. They’ll probably poison him!”.

And so, chortling meanly, the Gnome went and fetched the smelly, rotten eggs from his kitchen and gave them to the rabbit.

“There you go! Some nice fresh, tasty, grade A chicken eggs”, said the Gnome with a big grin, “Bon appetit!”.

“Why, thankyou”, said the Rabbit, hopping back to his burrow, “You’re very kind”.

Then the Gnome slammed the door of his house shut, certain that he wouldn’t see the rabbit anymore.

However, it wasn’t long after when there was another knock at his door and, yet again, when he opened the door, the rabbit was standing there smiling happily.

“What do you want this time?!”, said the gnome angrily, “Haven’t you had enough out of me already?”.

“Oh yes, indeed”, said the Rabbit, “You have been so very kind. In fact, you’ve been the nicest neighbour that I have ever had and so, just as a way of saying thank you for your kindness, I’ve baked you a cake”.

And, saying this, the Rabbit held out a large round cake covered in blue icing with the words, “Thank you”, piped in yellow icing across its face.

“Free cake”, thought the miserly old gnome, licking his lips and snatching hold of the cake, “Yum!”.

But the Gnome didn’t say thank you to the Rabbit for baking the cake. No, all the mean old Gnome said was, “And I should think so, too!”, before slamming the door in the poor rabbits face.

But, dear me, that Gnome got a terrible shock when, greedily, he scoffed down that entire cake.

For, all of a sudden, the Gnome started to feel very sick indeed and, too late, he realized what the Rabbit had done with the salt and the rotten eggs he had given it; baked them into the cake.

“He’s poisoned me!”, shrieked the gnome, turning green, shaking and feeling terribly nauseous, “That rabbit has poisoned me!”.

And, rushing outside, gasping for air, the Gnome cried out, “Help! Help! Fetch a doctor, quick! Someone! I’ve been poisoned”, before fainting and falling flat on his back.

However, when the Gnome awoke, to his shock and surprise, he was not lying flat out upon the ground anymore, where he had fallen, but on a couch in the rabbits burrow with a pillow under his head and a blanket round him and, standing at the end of the couch, was a Gnome doctor with a large stethoscope hanging round his neck and a red cross on his white, pointy, gnome cap and, beside him, the miserly Gnomes Rabbit neighbour looking very concerned.

“Thank goodness, you’ve got a good neighbour”, said the Doctor, “You were very sick indeed and might well be in Gnome heaven now, if it weren’t for the help of this kind rabbit”.

“Hmmph!”, grumbled the miserly Gnome, which was his way of saying ‘Thank you’.