"The second tale"
There was chaos at Winalott castle, as brave knight of the realm, Sir Chargealott of Halifax, angrily paced the floor of the armoury. He had a duel to honour in less than an hour and was nervously waiting for his trusty second to arrive. This was the guy who fought all of his duels for him, did the dirty deed while the knight reaped the glory. The knight grew more paranoid by the minute.
“Oh why hast thou deserted me so, in this, my final hour?” he wailed.
Two castle guards marched in and the knight beckoned them over. “I trust thou bringeth good tidings about my second?”
The tallest guard answered, “Alas, I fear not master, for we have not found him.
“I trust your search included the forest?” and the men shook their heads.
“And why not!?” yelled the knight.
The shortest guard mumbled. “But sire, no one dare enter the forest lest they be cursed.”
The knight threw down his bommy knocker like a baby throwing its dummy out the pram.
“You fools, imbeciles. I’ll have your heads for this,” he roared as he marched through the door, then mounting his white charger steed, away he galloped toward the forest , mumbling, “I fear no such curse.”
Soon the fearless knight came upon an inn keeper.
“I say, Innkeeper, hast thou seen my second?”
The little rotund man shrugged, “No not I Squire but ask yonder woodcutter,” he said.
The knight cantered away and soon came upon the forester.
“I say, old woodman, prey hast thou seen my second?”
The giant mopped his brow, “No not I Squire but ask the fair young maid from yonder farm,” he said.
The knight trotted off and soon came upon a beautiful golden haired maid, milking a cow.
“I say, beautiful golden haired milkmaid, hast thou seen my second?”
The maid adjusted her ample bosom, “I seed nobody Squire,” she said.
Sighing heavily, the knight dismounted and said, “So where the fuckin-hell is he!!?”