Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Dear Diary...clock ticks as I type wondering where all the time has gone contemplating my options to have a hip replacement, but I don't know why It's a decision, as I've no real choice, It's not a matter of if, but when? Yet another change to my life which I've come to accept over the many months since my doctor informed me I have Osteoarthritis.

Don't get me wrong, I know that it will give me back my life that I've so missed. Walking has been so painful with one side of my body lopsided and crumbling with each day that passes.

To say I'm scared is an understatement, knowing that the surgeon will be cutting through muscle and tendons to finally put an alien object in my hip which will help me walk again. I've never been one for anything squeamish, but I try to remain positive and live with the thought that over the months of recuperation I will hopefully be able to get back to some kind of normality without any pain.

I certainly have so much to be grateful for. Living a full life when I was younger, is one of the biggest achievements I could ever wish for. Looking back over my dear diary moments has bought a smile to my face, remembering how active and supple I once was, knowing I never wasted a moment of growing up. My motto is, we can never know what the future holds, so living for the moment has always been really important for me.

When I received a phone call from the doctor's surgery with the results of my x-ray on my hip, I had no idea things were that bad. I'd already had an x-ray on my knee which came back okay, so expected the same thing this time.

The lady on reception was very nice and informed me that having a hip replacement would be okay and nothing to worry about, but when you've never known anyone to have had this problem and don't even know anything about hip replacements, you can never know what a shock it is to receive the news that you're a candidate for such an operation.

I just remember feeling sick to the stomach, my heart pounding at the thought, being determined that this would never be a choice I would have to make and I would manage fine without going through the ordeal, even if it meant being in a wheelchair, but that was months ago.

I've done all the crying and worrying, knowing that things will only go from bad to worse. I mean this time last year I was walking three miles into town, now I can hardly get down to the bottom of the garden without having to stop every so often.

My partner has been brilliant, he's given me so much support, though I don't think he realizes just how different things will be once I've had the operation. I won't be able to bend down to pick things up, or sit in low chairs, getting in and out of the bath will be a problem too. I've been told it's so easy to dislocate when doing a movement which doesn't agree with the hip, like swiveling the upper body to reach for an item is a no, no, or reaching up and getting dressed too.

But at the end of the day my legs will eventually be moving properly again. I've had time to think and muse over the situation and must be optimistic from now on, knowing that there are a lot of people out there far worse off than me.

After all those months of being told to go through with the operation and still not being sure, the thing that made up my mind for me, was when I was on the bus going into town on Monday May 8^th 2017. I glanced out the window, only to see this man with only one leg, but really striding out on crutches. I felt so much respect for him managing to get by, and realized then how lucky I am to have two legs and the chance of becoming whole again.

I now have to see the consultant at the hospital, who will then inform me when I will be able to have my hip replacement. It may have taken this one incident to make up my mind, but every cloud has a silver lining and I can't wait for mine.