A Case of the Glums - A Craven Danger Mystery

“Feelin’ any better yet, Mr. Danger?”

“Nah, Betty, I still got a case a the glums. It’s enough ta make a guy wonder why he was ever put on this spinnin’ ball a crazies in the first place. In the second place I wonder if in the first place He didn’t have a bigger plan for me than puttin’ me behind this desk in an office full of empty file cabinets, cockroaches and phones that ain’t ringin’ on account of I ain’t paid the bill quite yet. Like maybe on the day He was handin’ out a baby's future assignments to the angel who’s job it was ta look after after the new guy on the planet, I didn’t end up with a pair a wings from the bottom of the angel heap. Ya know, like when they put a certain kid in back a the class on account a he’s a troublemaker and a bit of a dope and he’s always the one that don’t get called on ta clean the chalk board and clap the erasers, or even get ta hold the flag during the Pledge of Allegiance on account of the last time they let him do it he dropped the flag and Sister Mary Magan let out a scream and told him that ol’ Abe Lincoln would come crawlin’ out of his grave and choke him in his sleep if he ever so much as looked at another flag again.

"Geez, you’d a thought the stars and stripes was hand-knitted by the big man himself the way people carry on about it. But like I was sayin’, maybe I got an angel like that. Who, instead of handin’ me my assignment to grow up and be a hot-shot detective with a babe on each arm and a smokin’ gun in every pocket, I ended with the guy who’s always droppin’ the flag, or sometimes wettin’ his pants every time Sister Mary Megan swished past him with that big oak pointer a hers that didn’t tickle too much when you done somethin’ to make the veins in her forehead pop up out all red, white and blue all over. 

“Maybe I got an angel like that. Or, maybe I got no angel at all. Maybe on the day I was born they was all out of angels, or my angel was out to lunch, and I got left ta fend for myself without no guiding light to point me in the right direction. Wouldn't that just be my luck. Me! Havin' the dream, but ain't able ta live it yet, 'cause the dreams still up there in the clouds with all them other dreams that ain't comin' true for folks. 

"I look up and watch them clouds everyday, Betty, and ya know what?"

"What?"

"I see that angel of mine. The one who never showed up at my door. And ya know what he's doin'?"

"I'm all ears, Mr. Danger."

"He's livin' my dream! Like he's tryin' it out for size before he decides he wants me to have it. Sometimes I see him up there in his big fluffy fedora, leapin' from cloud ta cloud in pursuit a runaway bunny rabbits and laughin' dinosaurs."

"What?"

"I see what I see, Betty. Other times he's smokin' a big stogie and blowin' suds off a big glass a foamy cream ale. And all the time he's lookin' down at me an' laughin' 'cause I ain't got no say in the matter. It's enough to make a guy wanna give up his dream an' go out and get a factory job with all them other mugs whose dreams is still bein' lived up there in the clouds. Can you imagine me in a factory, Betty? Slavin' over nuts and bolts?" 

"At least we'd have a phone that worked, Mr. Danger."

"Ask a stupid question. . ."

"C'mon, Mr. Danger. I know a sure cure for the glums. Let's go out an' get us some ice cream in the park. We can sit on a bench and maybe watch a cloud or two go by. But no seein' bunny rabbits this time. Dream reasonable dreams. Like one's that put food on the table."

"I see what I see, Betty. An' it's fluffy bunny rabbits everytime!"