Quinn and the witch

“I hope you don’t mind helping me out, “ said Quinn to his line-manager, “But there’s something odd in my Outlook diary.”

“Not at all, show me.”

They walked over to Quinn’s desk and he opened his calendar.

“I was trying to add the meeting about the new stationery to my calendar and my diary went all peculiar.”

“Ah, the meeting on the 24^th. Try adding it now.”

“Well, I click on the 24^th and this comes up.”

The whole day of the 24^th was blanked out on Quinn’s calendar, the subject heading read ‘DEAD’.

“And the next day is the same, and the next, and the next. What does it mean?”

“Go to the day before, the 23^rd.”

Quinn clicked on the 23^rd. The page was blank.

“What it means Quinn is that some time in the evening of the 23^rd, or the morning of the 24^th, you will die.”

“What do you mean I’ll die?”

“Exactly that. The calendar only covers work hours – you can see that you’re clearly still alive at 6.pm on the 23^rd, but dead by 8.30 the next day. If you click here you can see who added the entry. Ah, yes, Molly Certitude.”

“I don’t know Molly Certitude,” said Quinn.

“She works in HR. She’s the company witch.”

“Witch?”

“Yes, we use her for prophesies and the like. She’s very useful, it was Molly who tipped us off about the Edinburgh takeover last month, saved us a fortune. She’s clearly foreseen your death and added it to your calendar. It helps the rest of the office plan ahead. For instance, I now know to send someone else to the stationery meeting.”

“But how can I be dead? I’m only 26. I don’t smoke, I hardly drink, I lead a very dull life.”

“I’ve no idea Quinn, you’ll have to ask Molly.”

“I will,” said Quinn, standing up purposefully. “Where abouts in HR is she?”

“She’s in the office in the corner.”

Quinn had been to HR many times, in fact he’d gone out with Sarah from HR for nearly a year, but he’d never paid any attention to the office in the corner.

Sarah was at her desk when Quinn entered HR, but she was focused on her screen and didn’t look up, as he crept past unseen.

Quinn knocked on the office door and was called inside. He was surprised that he’d never seen Molly around, he’d certainly have remembered if he had, as she was every inch the witch; she was wearing a long, black pointed hat, a black witches cape and even had a black cauldron on her desk next to her computer.

“Ah Quinn,” she said. “It was foretold that you would come. How can I help?”

“Erm, it’s about my death,” he said.

“Ah yes, the prophecy. What about it?”

“Well, how can you be so sure.”

Molly took a chrystal ball out of one of her drawers.

“The Eye to the Future, it never lies. We knew the date of your death when we first took you on. It’s why you were never added to the circulation list for training courses, there’s no point training up a dead man. The ad for your replacement went out last week.”

“But how will I die?” said Quinn.

“That I can’t tell you, else you might be able to avoid it. It would change the future.”

“So it could be anything?”

“Anything. You could be hit by a car whilst crossing the road, a loose tile might fall from a rooftop and kill you, you might get hit in a bar brawl and fall fatally onto the hard-sharp edge of the bar. What your fate is, is known only to the Gods. And your personnel file, obviously.”

“Can I see my file?”

“It’s confidential.”

Quinn tried to change her mind, but Molly was adamant, and you don’t get more adamant than a witch.

Shortly after Quinn left there was another knock on Molly’s door. It was Sarah.

“Well, how did it go” she asked.

“Oh he fell for it hook, line and sinker.”

"Really? He believed it?”

“Totally. I think it’s safe to set the 23^rd as the date for the office social, I’m pretty sure he won’t be leaving his house that night.