Angel 40 (earrings)

Her shoulders dipped and she sighed, staring down at the table. ‘I’ve got to listen to most of the girls in here talking non-stop about what they’re going to do when they’re gonnae get out. ‘I wish it was as easy as that for me. I stick on a pair of cheap earrings when I go to bed to remind myself I’m a woman. I’ll be a toothless old bag by the time I get out and nobody will want me.’

He stretched across and made a grab for her. ‘Gies a kiss and I’ll tell you how it really is.’

She wasn’t sure, but he was sure enough. His lips were on her lips and his tongue in her mouth and it felt weird and familiar at the same time.

‘Break it up,’ shouted a stout female guard, rushing across. She grabbed at Pizza Face’s arm, but her tone was more amused than belligerent.

‘It’s alright,’ Pizza Face fell backwards into his seat, laughing, and a mischievous look on his face which made him seem boyish. ‘That’s my fiancée – I’ve just no got her the ring, yet.’

Angel was quick to correct him. ‘We’re no really engaged.’  

The stout guard pursed her lips and smiled at them and sauntered towards the door.

‘I know we’re not engaged, not officially.’ Pizza Face was choking with laughter. ‘But who gies a fuck?’

But his expression changed like the Scottish weather when he noticed her eyes were big and bright with tears. ‘Whit’s the matter?’

She roared with tears, a choking sound in her throat, ‘I’m pregnant’.

Across from them a shriek of laughter. Pizza Face turned his head and a baldy guy in a sweatshirt was saying to one of the older prisoners with peroxide hair and slack doughy breasts, ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me’.

‘That’s alright.’ Pizza Face was quick to reassure her. ‘That doesnae change anything. I’m fucking delighted you’re pregnant.’ But he didn’t look happy. ‘In fact, I’m ecstatic, but you should have told me.’

‘I meant to babe,’ she sniffed, biting back tears, ‘but I couldnae’.

‘Hi,’ he held up his hands. ‘Forget it. That’s all in the past.’

‘I’m having twin. But they ur’nae yours.’

‘Twins, that’s great,’ he mouthed, stirred and  strained like a dog on a leash to think, to hear, grow angry in an instant and barked, ‘Whit the fuck dae you mean, they’re no mine?’

‘I meant the twins might be yours. They might not be.’

‘Yah, fucking wee cow!’ He rose out of his seat and grabbed at her T-shirt pulling her towards him and shaking her. ‘Yah, fucking wee slut. Whose kids are they then?’

Angel made no move to defend herself. ‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered.

The stout guard walked towards them. On one side a male guard circled, before he pounced, pulling Pizza Face away.  

Pizza Face whirled and punched him in the face, and bloodied his big nose, the guard fell backwards into a visitor’s table. The stout guard made a grab for Pizza Face and he pushed her away. He lashed out as another guard appeared from the inside of the jail.

‘Don’t hurt him.’ Someone pulled at Angel’s shoulder and arm as she went to help him, and she turned and it was Church, dragging her backwards. She’d taken a knock to the cheek from an elbow.

Pizza Face was pinned to the ground. He arched his back and raised his head. ‘Ya fucking cow,’ he bawled at her. ‘I fucking hate you and I hope you rot forever in there.’

Church had her arm up her back and the old prison officer quipped, ‘I don’t think you’ll be the only one rotting in prison. He’s assaulted at least three officers. It’s all on CCTV and the police will be here soon.’ She reached for her keys, but a guard was already opening the door from the other side. ‘Open and shut case, whatever way you want to look at it.’

Other prisoners were less smug as prison officers cleared the visiting room. A woman from the Remand Block, the peroxide blond with a squinty eye and tight PVC trousers, growled at Angel and breenged across, ‘Yah cunt, lost some of my visiting time because of you! I’ll get you back’.

‘You’ll get nobody back,’ Church raised an eyebrow and stared at her, until she took a step backwards.

Church let go of Angel’s arm. ‘Whit was that all about?’

Angel wiped at her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. ‘Nothing. I don’t have nothing in the world. And I should expect a big fat nothing. That way I won’t be disappointed.’

‘Well, you should have thought of that before you got pregnant.’

‘Fuck off and don’t bring my twins into it.’ Angel stared right into her eyes. ‘Just fuck off.’

‘I’ll put you on report.’

‘Just fuck off. You and your reports.’ Other girls crowded in around Angel’s back, her aggression towards staff had redeemed her. ‘Fuck off.’

Church turned and wandered away and it was soon time to get back to the block.

Lisa was polishing her nails and waiting for her in their cell. ‘How did it go?’

The walk back to the block had given Angel time to compose herself and think, so she answered matter-of-factly. ‘It could have went better. He wanted to marry me and then he wanted to kill me.’

Lisa laughed. ‘Fucking dobber. All men are like that.’

‘Aye, I suppose he is. But I cannae really blame him. You know how when we’re in here we dream a lot. And it’s always the same dream. We get out and nobody recognises us. And they’re all really old and we thing we’re still young. Then we get to look in a mirror.’ Angel bit her lip and stared out the window. ‘I guess we want to live and be normal. Like everybody else. But we find we can’t because whatever way we turn we’re full of empty.’ She shook her head. ‘People see that in us and they shun us. We don’t really ever get out. We carry the prison inside us.’