Web
By lenchenelf
Wed, 28 Jan 2009
- 3051 reads
8 comments
Inch by Insey Winsey
Red spider veins
Startle against white
Wedding memories;
Bloodlines sparkle
In place of lace,
Fresh as the day
They were born.
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Comments
Superb imagery, marred by
Superb imagery, marred by the initial nursery rhyme reference, which is soooo out of place...
J x
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In that case, I suggest
In that case, I suggest three verses, to represent the three ages of woman you are representing, so that you can really get that across to the reader.
J x
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Fair enough. I am simply
Fair enough. I am simply coming at the site from the angle 'Have I taken this piece of writing as far as I can?', that's all.
I can only offer my opinion, which is why we post here. I understand your argument perfectly; you have justfied well! To me, the piece just feels like a work in progress.
J x
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