Keep on Truckin' (The Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 2)

For the story so far, see Part 1

“There’s something you don’t see every day” D.S. Stone remarked, conversationally, as he returned to the study of his tablet.

“Hmm?”  D.I. Wood responded, without much interest, too engrossed in his in-flight magazine to notice.

“Bloke strapped to a sack-truck, sir.  Looks like they’re wheeling their drunks on to this flight!”

“What are you on about?”  D.I. Wood put his magazine down, irritably.

“Look, over there, sir.  Tall, burly bloke in a black suit strapped to that sack-truck.  There’s a smaller, odd-looking cove, pushing him.”

Sure enough, amongst the melee of holiday-makers attempting to force their bags into the overhead lockers, could be seen the sporadic progress of a small, dark-suited and distinctly unhappy gentleman, pushing a sack-truck containing the entirely rigid body of a taller, equally dark-suited man whose blank expression indicated that the lights might be on, but there was definitely no-one home.

****

Josiah cursed, moderately but silently, as he attempted to manoeuvre the truck, and a comatose Archibald, through the throng.  A little quick thinking on his part had led to the procurement of the truck from an adjacent retail store, in return for a hefty donation to the owner.  As a result, they had been able to present themselves at the required Gate, albeit after everyone else had beaten them to it.

The anticipated debate concerning whether Archibald should be allowed to board, had been fortuitously avoided by Samantha, Josiah’s fiancée, making a timely telephone call to Dermot Dunleavy, the owner of the budget airline and an old school acquaintance, calling in a few favours upon which Josiah was determinedly trying not to reflect.

With the ‘plane filling fast, Josiah was hugely relieved that he had managed to book two aisle seats, just one row apart, these being the best option available at the time.  He was just in the process of trying to force the unyielding body of Archibald into a sitting position when a voice came from behind him.

“The Captain says he’s to be in his seat, strapped in, sitting up and taking notice, by the time we push off from the stand, otherwise, off he comes” It was one of those clipped, curt female voices that was clearly enjoying exercising authority.

“I do…have permission…from Mr. Dunleavy…for my colleague…to board” Josiah panted, as he attempted to force Archibald into a sitting position.

“Yes, I am aware of that” The Flight Attendant snapped, “but the pilot has the final say, and he says…”

“I did…hear your directive…and I am…entirely convinced…young lady…that he is…becoming more flexible…with each…passing minute” Josiah stopped pushing and straining, for a moment, to catch his breath.

Archibald was now at a 45° angle, but was still a long way from being seated and strapped in.

The Flight Attendant looked at the two of them, dubiously.

“You may reassure your Captain” Josiah straightened himself up, with difficulty, and eased his complaining back, “that my colleague will certainly be fit to fly”

Even if it kills me in the process, Josiah thought, ruefully.

****

“Do you want me to have a word, sir?”  D.S. Stone began to lever himself out of his seat.

“Strike a light, no, keep out of it!”  D.I.  Wood ordered, “Why spoil a nice little trip to the sunshine by getting involved in something that’s nothing to do with us?  Think of the paperwork!  Just leave well alone.”

“Oh, ok, I just thought…”  D.S. Stone shrugged.

“Anyway,” D.I. Wood said, returning to his magazine, “they’re both known to me.”

“You know those two?”  D.S. Stone was incredulous.

“Oh yes!”  D.I. Wood responded, mournfully, “The tall one was in for attempted murder, a while back.”

“What? Then surely we should be…”

“Nah!”  D.I. Wood replied, firmly, “It was all a load of nonsense, like I knew it would be.  You wouldn’t believe the bureaucracy involved.  It’ll be the same if we get tied up with this lot as well.  I’m keeping well clear and I’d advise you to do the same.”

“What did he do?”

“Don’t ask!”

“Oh come on, sir, you’ve got to tell me now”

“Alright, alright, if you’re determined to find out.”  D.I. Wood sighed deeply, “He tried to shove a pound of John Innes Potting Compost down the throat of an old dear he thought was dying (see Last Rights).”

D.S. Stone looked at him in astonishment.

“That short bloke is his boss.” D.I. Wood went on, nodding toward the two men, “He sorted it all out, thank goodness!”  D.I. Wood shook his magazine open, with grim determination “if I never see them again, it’ll be too soon” He muttered.

 D.S. Stone raised his eyebrows and returned to his tablet.

“What’s that you’re watching then?” D.I. Wood asked, peering over at D.S. Stone’s tablet, “video games is it?” He sneered.

“No sir” D.S. Stone sighed.

“Pornography then?” D.I. Wood asked, hopefully.

“Certainly not!” D.S. Stone snapped, “as a matter of fact, sir, I’m watching a travelogue about the history and cultural heritage of our destination, Alicante.”

“You what?  I don’t know why you’re bothering” D.I. Wood snorted, “we’re only going to be flying in and flying out.  It’ll be bish, bash, bosh and we’re done. You ain’t going to be seeing much in the way of history or ‘cultural heritage’” He made a ‘quotation marks’ hand gesture.

D.S. Stone ignored him and focused on his tablet.

****

After a great deal of effort, Josiah had finally managed to get Archibald seated and buckled in to his safety belt.  What was more hopeful, various facial twitches seemed to indicate the return of some form of consciousness.  Well, as much as you could reasonably hope for, with Archibald Thurble!

Thankful for any, slight, optimistic sign, Josiah collapsed gratefully into his own seat and nodded politely to the man and woman sitting beside him.  Heaving a, deeply felt, sigh of relief, he buckled his safety belt and sat back to study the safety video.  It had been a somewhat rocky start, he reflected, but surely the worst was over and nothing else could go wrong now?

Find out, when the story continues in Part 3 - Death and Taxis!