‘Ok, the lights are off! Just be careful where you step and don’t fall for ham, however succulent, as they are trying to seduce us into traps!’ Grandma advised. ‘I’ve a better way to make Peter and Susan’s special day better! I smelt chocolate in the room in which the human sleeps! That’s a much nicer way to celebrate the coming together of both families!’ As her eleven current, and new, family members nodded their heads, her new daughter in law's father asked, ‘how are we to get this precious treasure? The human has odd hours in my opinion, and it can scream in such a high pitch only dogs can hear it!’ ‘Be patient my child,’ Grandma advised, ‘it will be a stealthy operation, and we will have to be quiet, but get the chocolate we will…I promise!’ she winked at Peter. ‘No grandson of mine will die on his wedding day, a day destined to be celebrated with the finest food we can forage!’ The congregation all nodded and twiddled with their whiskers, salivating.
‘Right,’ Grandma took out her clipboard. ‘Six of you will gather the precious chocolate, as you have the fastest legs! Marie, Augustus, Millie, Francis, Olivia and Henry, that’s your job! Tom, you are to find a safe location in which to bring the spoils of our labour! Grandpa,’ meaning Susan’s father, ‘you, as father of the bride, have the job of opining the gems as they arrive!’ All involved nodded, and, just before the meeting was over, little Lucy asked, ‘what’s my job Grandma?’ in the softest, most precious voice Grandma had ever heard. ‘Well, my sweet, it's your job to help me coordinate things as you are with child!’ and winked at her. She smiled up at her great grandmother, her nose twitching.
‘People, we don’t want anything to happen to our nest like that which happened to my son! We have to think positive, and, I promise you, if you stay away from the meat, we’ll have a much more succulent meal for this great celebration…all of us!’ They said, ‘hail Grandma,’ in unison, and broke into their little groups, all certain of what tasks they were to perform.
Firstly, the six in charge of retrieving the feast ran under the kitchen door, took a hard left and then a right into what looked like paradise. They knew their voices wouldn’t travel to human ears, and it was Augustus who stood on his hind legs and sniffed out the chocolate. He had a nose for this type of thing. ‘It’s over here guys,’ he said, waving his front paw in the air. The human, although having lights on in the room, was out for the count and oblivious that they were as strong in numbers as they were. As the six of them, led by Augustus, found the heavenly, three pack of kinder bueno, they all started chewing through the packaging with vigor. They didn’t stop until six, tender sticks of loveliness were free. Augustus informed them that they would have to be quiet from then on, each helping to carry a stick at a time to the kitchen, where the party was being held. They held the luscious chocolate as pallbearers carrying a coffin, three on each side. They walked on their hind legs, their front ones holding the treasure, and dropped each stick at the door to the kitchen. They repeated this act five times, deciding to leave one for the human as it rustled in its blanket before their confidence in it staying asleep waivered. Augustus made the decision, seeing the five sticks, together as one; ‘let’s not be greedy!’ he ordered, the other five delighted as they were exhausted.
As the other five rested, Augustus entered the kitchen to let Grandma know they were successful. He had only one question, ‘how are we to get them under the door?’ Grandma went out to see the victorious haul her brethren had achieved. ‘Hmm!’ she said with a furrowed brow. She hadn’t thought past getting the feast, as, usually, the kitchen door was opened a crack. As she tapped her tiny pen on the tiny clipboard, she wondered if they, as a nest, could open the door somehow? Lucy came to the rescue by suggesting, ‘what if we all hang off the handle of the door. Obviously not you Grandma! But the two of us could push it open once the others have pulled down the handle?’ Grandma looked at her with pride. ‘That’s a wonderful idea child!’ she glanced over her congregation and said, ‘let’s do what Lucy suggested!’ She received blank stares. ‘C’mon, chop, chop!’
They all made their way into the hall, some grabbing nibbles of the kinder bueno as ‘energy!’ One at a time, they climbed up the door, one on the handle, the rest holding on to the previous one's tail. They pulled with all their mite, but couldn’t open the door. After the sixth try, everyone tired, Grandma put a nail in the coffin and suggested they just eat their spoils in the hall, coming back for seconds, and thirds as they wished! Everyone cheered and they got the party started.
Tom suggested they have the party behind a large, subtle piece of furniture, where they were most likely not to be found if they ate too much and fell asleep. ‘There’s a nice place under it as well for us to rest our weary bones!’ The others, including the high and mighty Grandma, cheered and the party commenced.
With their bellies full, and only half a stick of succulent wedding cake left, the collection were drowsy and content. As most of them were in their hiding place, a trail of crumbs leading towards it, the room was suddenly illuminated. Grandma woke from her stupor, counting heads, making sure all were safe, but there was one missing! She heard a scream, followed by the kitchen door slamming shut and poked her head out for the one straggler. It was Augustus who was running faster than the speed of light towards her. She grabbed his hand, his belly full, and pushed him under the frayed bit of furniture, sacrificing her life for his safety.
Grandma did another head count, this time counting them all. She announced, ‘we did it! We had a tremendous party with no fatalities!’ Everyone cheered and within minutes, they were all fast asleep, well everyone except Grandma. She understood human, being on this earth longer than anyone she had come across. She listened intently out for the screaming human once more, but the next time she heard it, there were two of them. One was laughing, whilst the other was saying something that she could only decipher as being; ‘it’s not funny!’
She looked upon her nest and felt the earth move around her. ‘They must be in here! This is where the crumbs lead to!’ she heard; the rest of her family oblivious. She then heard the word ‘trap!’ and knew she would have to tell each and every one of her partners in crime to watch out…but that could wait til they woke. She wanted them to enjoy themselves, their bellies full, all asleep, each head accounted for. ‘Yea,’ she said to herself, her whiskers twitching, ‘I’ll tell them after they enjoy a well-earned sleep!’