No Johnny, No! ( 2 of 2)

We kept up our meets every few months, then sometime in 2004, I met him in a bar in Fenchurch Street. He didn’t look good. He’d lost weight, which should have been a good thing as we were both a bit on the big side, but there was a melancholy look about him. I asked him straight.

“So, come on, what the fucks wrong with you?”

He looked at me, then shook his head.

“I think she’s having an affair.”

I didn’t react. Just asked another question.

“What makes you think that?”

He then spent the next ten minutes pouring his heart out. She was always away on a weekend conference, she was late home at least two or three times a week due to meetings going on later than expected, he found a receipt for a mans expensive watch and thought she’d bought it for him for his birthday, but when his birthday came he only got a bottle of malt whisky. I let him finish, then went and got another round. When I came back he was full of apologies.

“I’m so sorry mate, to go on like that. But I just don’t know what to do. I, I, can’t bear it. You know, the thought of losing her. What if this is the end? What if I’m gonna lose everything?”

This big, forty-year-old man had tears in his eyes and looked like a helpless child. I didn’t know whether to slap him or cuddle him. Instead, I asked another question.

“Have you spoken to her about it?”

I already knew the answer, no way Johnny would want the confrontation.

He slowly moved his head from side to side.

“No mate. I’m frightened to just in case I get the wrong answer.”

Then I slapped him. Not hard, just enough to get him to react. It was time for some tough love.

“What the fucks wrong with you? You need to know. It’ll kill you otherwise. If it’s the wrong answer, then maybe you can work it out. But you need to know. Then you can both move forward.”

He cried. Like a five-year-old. Proper cry where you have to take a breath between tears. I held his hand.

“Come on Johnny. We’re mates. I gotcha. If it all goes pear-shaped, you can move in with me. But it won't come to that. You’ll work it out. Trust me. Tell her you love her and how much she means to you. She’ll melt in your arms. Everything's gonna be okay.”

It wasn’t, six days later Johnny moved in with me. His wife was having an affair with her boss, Trevor, and he’d moved in with her. Johnny was out on his ear.

I sat him down. Showed him the spare room. Laid the ground rules. My kids came at weekends and stayed over, so he had to make himself scarce from midday on Saturday until four o'clock on Sunday. He said he’d spend the night at his Mums house. Job done. I opened a bottle of scotch, and we got stuck in.

As much as I really didn’t want to know, I thought it best to ask. Maybe he wanted to talk. Get it off his chest. So I started.

“So, mate. You say Trevor has moved in. How did that happen?”

His voice trembled.

“She, she, told me to leave and that she wanted to be with Trevor. I, I,  grabbed her, told her she wasn’t thinking straight, but she pushed me away. She kept shouting, Get Out, Get Out. She was upset, I tried to cuddle her, telling her everything would be okay, we just needed to talk things through. But she got angry. Now she was screaming, for me to leave.”

His voice was shaking, and he was visibly upset.

“Okay mate, take your time. No rush.”

“So, I went upstairs, packed a bag. Opened the door of my son's room, he was in bed, so I kissed him and said goodbye.”

He had to stop. Tears were coming. He took a swig from his glass and then continued.

“I went downstairs, and she was there, but now Trevor was there as well. They were both telling me to leave. I told her that no matter what happens, I would always love her. “

He paused before he continued. Then added.

“So, so, I left the house.”

He was staring at the wall, his eyes were empty. I know that’s a strange thing to say, but it was as if he couldn’t see anything in front of him. A blank cold stare.”

I poured us both another glass.

“Listen mate, I've been through this. It’s painful at first, but it gets better. You’ll get through this. Trust me.”

He turned his face and looked at me. He smiled, tears running down his cheeks.

“No mate, it won’t, it’ll only get worse.”

And that’s when the front door burst open. Someone was shouting. “Armed Police, armed Police, stay where you are and let me see your hands.” I was slightly pissed and I hadn’t a clue what was going on! I felt a pressure on my back, suddenly, I was on the floor. My hands were tied behind my back, and I could hear Johnny shouting. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t let him take them. They’re my family not his. But they’re safe now. God will look after them. God will love them.”

And in that split second, I realised what Johnny had done.