A BRACING STORY

Cherry

By Alice Hamilton

Sat, 31 Mar 2018
  • 1642 reads
10 comments
 

A 50 word poem - originally a 220 word poem.

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We meet in the waiting room. 

His skin so pale, eyes so dark.     

He smiles a metallic smile.      

 

Dental probes delve, draw my blood,

Salty taste, tang of iron,

Lingering on gums, tongue, lips.        

 

We meet outside. Twilight now.

Cold fingers. A wolfish grin. 

Teeth no longer caged in wire.

 

 

 
Certificate PG
Poem
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

A very nice (and chilling) take on the IP

 

Submitted by Alice Hamilton on

Thank you very much for the cherries!

 

Submitted by torscot on

I'm expecting the bite of a twilight vampire.  Where is my garlic!

torscot

Submitted by Alice Hamilton on

Thanks for commenting. I hope the garlic is keeping the vampires away!

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Really like this, Alice.  A very vivid picture - great take on the IP!

Submitted by Alice Hamilton on

Thanks very much! Credit to Denzella for suggesting this IP. A great exercise for sharpening my writing!

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I do remember the long version and someone suggesting it could be made more concise, and you have certainly done so, and managed to keep clear the essence of the implications. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Alice Hamilton on

Thank you! I was concerned that it would be a bit too concise!

 

Submitted by bosch on

perhaps cut both "so" 's in the 2nd line, or at least one, probably just one.

Submitted by Alice Hamilton on

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.