DUSTY PINK (IP) 60 words

By Cavalcader

Sun, 15 Aug 2010
  • 2102 reads
16 comments
 

Up the escalator
swept my long skirt
into a pleat
Shoe colour's
dusty pink

tried a pair
fitted grand

My feet shuffled along
"next please she cried
this is an odd pair"

My mouth dropped
I could only stare
Buzzer! pushed
the shoes exchanged

Only larger size
I wanted to cry
when worn outside

slop! slop!
what stupid
bloody clots

all comments please

Certificate U
Poem
Drama

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
You are really developing, this is showing a lot of promise. although your final two lines would be better in a comment box - they confused me at first because I thought they were part of the poem! J x

 

Submitted by Canary Islander on
Fun poem - I liked it! :-)

Submitted by luigi_pagano on
A good effort, Julie. You are on the right lines. It isn't all that difficult when you put your mind to it. Luigi xx

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Luig_pagano Hi! I had to hold onto shoe rail, balance on one foot ah! as seat to low back, problem long ago, and slip on one shoe tickets inside, ouch one foot ok. Long long Queue think spelt wrong, I amdired girl's red hair bow, I said, but had to scribble out over 60 words, handed shoes to pay, my surprise one 7 one 8. Ugh! she said and laughed called staff to change, nothing only bigger size, no time try! so just took home. Matched pink of charity suede short jacket, had everything under £2. wow1 Have as good weekend.Keep writing. Julie xx

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New Jennifer, Thankyou altered I have to share computer with hubby. Had poem all scribbled down, not pleased had to cut out over 60 the 60 words too many. T.V is on for Ray, so not easy thinking? Thankyou all you help. I can't do a collection either. Just had lovely email, from first time AbcTales asking help on their poem, I have tried, but said I am not poet, up to maybe one of top author's help? But liked one of mine so much .I get confused to if not time, quietness to do all. I am visiting we are sick friend. We have no car.Bus and walk. I can't leave person friend like they are, from our singing groups, and day centre's I have deleted now, is that better? Thankyou. Like reading your's expert and all other's. all the best julie xx

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New Luig_Pagano Thankyou for lovely comment. What mind, I did't have one. This was true, but what scribbled got home whacked out, if walk hour's journey. No time at cash counter, try again larger ones. But now poem treid, more interseting, worked out to many word's. So cutting and cutting it down. No so good sense wise! Well done, on your (IP) julie xx

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New Canary Islander OOH! ooh, thankyou 60 words to make sense quite hard. But it's a challenge. keep writing. I had 40 words too many on count up, at first, so not so good now? julie xx

Submitted by kheldar on
A very enjoyable slice of life. David xx :--)

cool

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New kheldar Thank's David, what a day it was? Its eems now with clothes not what the size says too, if don't try it on get home hanger is one size thinl I have gained weight, no good. size was incorrect on the hanger, check with label inside musch smaller, get mad. Hve to go back, always exchange things for me. julie xx

Submitted by Nolan on
Well done Julie! 60 + 3. What is "dusty pink"? Is it like a baby? I thought that was baby pink. They tell me they start out as purple? And they scream a lot. Scary. Understandable, if they know what they're in for.
 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New Nolan Thankyou comment, Jennifer likes, helped me to remove comments on end as made it look like poem. Did it in 5 minutes, you can tell counted up, cut a lot out. Well I nearly gave up, 3rd dictionary I have found in the Oxford Thesaurus. 2nd hand from a market. Mine got me. I thought I heard words Dusty Pink long time ago, or saying. But found it means= a dusty pink greyish,muted, dull pale. Dusty that part is grime and dirt, or powdery chalk. It is not shocking! Pink that means Loud in colour/ Not a pastel pink, or an ice-cream pink. Neither "Dusty Springfiled" I loved her songs. It can be a healthy pink skin colour. Reddish pink, I don't think so. Course babies can be pink, when born or pale, or blueish, usually hung tipped upside down, I believe bring blood circulation. And will scream coming out into the world all the noises when born. etc; Enjoyed the Questions. Thankyou what is 60 + 3? julie x.

Submitted by Nolan on
Could be that powder stuff? The stuff women puff on their faces when they try to be pretty. Perhaps should've been "dusky" pink? Sounds romantic don't you think? = 63 (?)
 

Submitted by Beeme on
I enjoyed, another fun and well put together poem :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Beeme thankyou, it happened and was true, but after scribbling quick, bit more did the count far too many, so cut quite a bit out. Would have been better, made sense more. Enjoy all of your's too. good to hear from you, hope all is well. Most mine true, or therapy poem's, like MistakenMagic say's too. take care. julie xx

Submitted by ScoZen on
ScoZen Hello Julie Very funny in just reading your replies to others. I think all of above could be posted as a little story. "...Course babies can be pink, when born or pale, or blueish, usually hung tipped upside down, I believe..." "...size was incorrect on the hanger, check with label inside musch smaller, get mad..." Great.
ScoZen

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New ScoZen Hello! just seen your comment. Nice get on an old poem,tried. Do you mean the poem, I will take on board kindly what you have suggested. But may not be so easy to do. Will see. Thanks. Babies always turned upside down maybe gentle smack on bottom. Get oxygen and blood working I think.Going back though. Or do you mean my comments back,I am more of an agony aunt.All comes from the heart mainly surprised what I put sometimes. good have you join AbcTales lot's help,even from our Editor t.cook can't do punctuation well. Happy new year. julie x